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Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much. Do you agree or disagree?

Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much. 8W3l
Television is always been a remarkable way to influence people. Sport Shows such as Olympics encourage the youngsters who avoid physical exercises. I completely agree with the statement and I will discuss the same in the upcoming paragraphs. Respect and Fitness are the two reasons why i am in the favor of this. People who are participating receive an immense amount of respect for all over the world. For instance Players like Bolt, he has a huge influence on the youth and they want to earn that status of him. And for that they indulge in these activities. Moreover, in different kinds of games players show strength and power which motivates them to become physically fit. for instance, a survey was conducted in 2006 in Australia that 40% of the youngsters stared doing some kind of a exercise after the Olympics of 2005. Probing ahead, there are several more reasons why these sports programs are beneficial. It is concluded in a scientific studies that visualization has great impact on our mind. So, by watching these programs the will a give a thought to do some physical activity. Also, these kind of shows also has a concept of medals which can bring the sense of competitions to the people. They will also get an opportunity to learn the basics rules and exercise which can the do by their own. To Conclude, It is clear that sports shows has many ways Such as Visualizations, players Respect, and Sense of competitions to influence the younger ones in a great way.
Television is always been a remarkable way to influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shows
such as Olympics encourage the youngsters who avoid physical exercises. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and I will discuss the same in the upcoming paragraphs.

Respect and Fitness are the two reasons why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am in the favor of this.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are participating receive an immense amount of respect for all over the world.
For instance
Players like Bolt, he has a huge influence on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
youth and
they want to earn that status of him. And for that they indulge in these activities.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of games players
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
strength and power which motivates them to become
physically
fit.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, a survey
was conducted
in 2006 in Australia that 40% of the youngsters stared doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
exercise after the Olympics of 2005.

Probing ahead, there are several more reasons why these sports programs are beneficial. It
is concluded
in a scientific
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "study"?
studies
that visualization has great impact on our mind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, by watching these programs the will a give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activity.
Also
,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
also
has a concept of medals which can bring the sense of competitions to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to learn the basics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and exercise which can
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'do' is correct. If 'do' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the do
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

To Conclude
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways Such as Visualizations, players Respect, and Sense of competitions to influence the younger ones
Consider replacing "in a great way" with the adverb for "great"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a great way
.

IELTS essay Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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