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Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend? a1e7
Nowadays, a number of people choose various extreme activities such as hain gliding mountain climbing and so forth because of their interest in these activities. There are several reasons why people risk their lives in such a dangerous activities. I opined that this trend has both merits and demerits. To begin with, the first and the foremost reason why people undertake different extreme activities is they find them more interesting as they want to explore different things in their life. Eventually, they put their life in danger. Secondly they find these activities are the source of entertainment due to the festival by exploring these activities they get rid of their fear and anxiety in their life. For instance, people go to hill stations in their vacations to spend their leisure time and try the dangerous activities from mountain climbing to paragliding. On the contrary, I believe that putting thr life in danger is not a good trend. By doing these life threatening activities they not only risk their life while they also give hard time to their family members. Moreover, in doing these expensive activities it require a lot of money which means a large amount of money is wasted on such activities. Consequently, people not only put their life in danger but also ways to their money. In conclusion on this trend has both the pros and the cons. However I tend to believe that it is not a positive trend to put life in threat.
Nowadays, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose various extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
hain
gliding mountain climbing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their interest in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "activity"?
activities
. I opined that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has both merits and demerits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
and the foremost reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
undertake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is they find them more interesting as they want to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Eventually
, they put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Secondly
they find these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are the source of entertainment due to the festival by exploring these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of their fear and anxiety in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to hill stations in their vacations to spend their leisure time and try the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
from mountain climbing to paragliding.

On the contrary
, I believe that putting
Possible spelling mistake found.
thr
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
. By doing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
while they
also
give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time to their family members.
Moreover
, in doing these expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
it
Did you mean "requires"?
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money which means a large amount of money
is wasted
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ways to their money.

In conclusion
on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has both the pros and the cons.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I tend to believe that it is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in threat.
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IELTS essay Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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