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Many people now choose to move out of crowed cities due to many drawbacks of cities life. Discuss the disadvantages of living in big cities?

Many people now choose to move out of crowed cities due to many drawbacks of cities life. Discuss the disadvantages of living in big cities? gbqnA
Life in the big city is really fun and exciting. There are countless job opportunities and activities available to you. However, in addition to the benefits we have seen, there are disadvantages hidden within. The first disadvantage that I think is the worst is the pollution. Environmental pollution causes serious harm to human health, especially when living in big cities like when we breath too much dust due to the exhaust of factories or due to the presence of too many vehicles. The second one is the traffic congestion that we have to deal with everyday. The main reason is due to the people's awareness of not obeying traffic laws or due to people's limited understanding of traffic safety causing damage to people's lives and property. Last but not at least, in the big city aren't always enough jobs for everyone, so the unemployment rate is also very high. In addition, it's inevitable that unfair competition between officials in private or state-owned companies is inevitable.
Life in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city is
really
fun and exciting. There are countless job opportunities and activities available to you.
However
,
in addition
to the benefits we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, there are disadvantages hidden within. The
first
disadvantage that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is the worst is the pollution. Environmental pollution causes serious harm to human health,
especially
when living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities like when we
Did you mean the verb "breathe"? 'breath' is a noun.
breath
too much dust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the exhaust of factories or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the presence of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vehicles. The second one is the traffic congestion that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. The main reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's awareness of not obeying traffic laws or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's limited understanding of traffic safety causing damage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and property. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at least, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city aren't always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
jobs for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the unemployment rate is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
In addition
, it's inevitable that unfair competition between officials in private or state-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is inevitable.
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IELTS essay Many people now choose to move out of crowed cities due to many drawbacks of cities life. Discuss the disadvantages of living in big cities?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
165 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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