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many people move out and live independently from theirs parents when they study at university. Do this advantage of this trend far out-weigh the disadvantage?

many people move out and live independently from theirs parents when they study at university. Do this advantage of this trend far out-weigh the disadvantage? KGOxw
People have to experiemce a lot things tho learn meaningful lessons and become mature. For tertiary education, many young people these days leave their house and live far away from their families. This essay will examine the pros and cons of this tendency in depth. To begin with, there are several benefits that young people may enjoy from this trend. First of all, moving out provides the opportunity for young people to live a life on their own and make any decisions without the interference of their parents. They do not have to live under constant supervision from parents. Findings from various surveys in Vietnam give substance to the argument that students all over Vietnam move to Ho Chi Minh city and Hanoi every year for further education and most of them easily realize that they really enjoy the freedom in a new city. In addition, living alone not only makes young people independent but also makes them self-reliant, which is a crucial life skill to their successful career. They have what it take to learn how to manage all the house chores such as cleaning, paying bills, cooking and so on. Many surveys conducted in different places show that international students are much more mature and responsible after several years of living overseas. It is, however, a fact that living alone is not entirely free from drawbacks. There is no denying that youngsters living away from their family may find themselves in circumstances that may affect their life. Naive and inexperienced young people in the absence of parental supervision are more likely to be influenced by social evils, such as drugs or alcohol consumption, which may destroy their life. For example, the crime rate in young people who live far away from their families is two or three times higher than those who stay at their parents’ houses. Besides, when young people move out, they are totally unaware of the world and its challenges. They initially have trouble with money management. This can lead to debt if they do not find a way to get rid of it. For instance, students may find it difficult to spend money rationally after they have stayed far from the family for a long time. In conclusion, despite some challenges that this trend may cause, I am firmly convinced that its merits far outweigh such problems and it is totally justified to encourage young people to move out from their parents’ house.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake found.
experiemce
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of things"?
a lot things
tho learn meaningful lessons and become mature. For tertiary education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This essay will examine the pros and cons of this tendency in depth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may enjoy from this trend.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, moving out provides the opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any decisions without the interference of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
under constant supervision from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Findings from various surveys in Vietnam give substance to the argument that students all over Vietnam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
and Hanoi every year for
further
education and most of them
easily
realize that they
really
enjoy the freedom in a new city.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them self-reliant, which is a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to their successful career. They have what it
Did you mean "takes"?
take
to learn how to manage all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
chores such as cleaning, paying bills, cooking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
surveys conducted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that international students are much more mature and responsible after several years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
overseas.

It is,
however
, a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone is not
entirely
free from drawbacks. There is no denying that youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
may find themselves in circumstances that may affect their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. Naive and inexperienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the absence of parental supervision are more likely to
be influenced
by social evils, such as drugs or alcohol consumption, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, the crime rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is two or three times higher than those who stay at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
.
Besides
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out, they are
totally
unaware of the world and its challenges. They
initially
have trouble with money management. This can lead to debt if they do not find a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of it.
For instance
, students may find it difficult to spend money
rationally
after they have stayed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for a long time.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges that this trend may cause, I am
firmly
convinced that its merits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
outweigh such problems and it is
totally
justified to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
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IELTS essay many people move out and live independently from theirs parents when they study at university. Do this advantage of this trend far out-weigh the disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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