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Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while others believe it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss boh views and give your own opinion.

Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while others believe it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss boh views and give your own opinion. 851Xr
There are some who argues that going outside of the country to have a vacation is better, while others think that it is better to visit the local tourist spot. In my opinion, travelling abroad is ideal if an individual is planning to meet new people and experience foreign tradition while venturing locally also has its benefits. Firstly, one of the primary reasons why people go abroad is to experience something new. A tradition of a place is commonly what they seek to witness. There are also natural wonders or famous landmarks that can only be exclusively seen in certain places. That is why many tourists would rather go outside of their country. For example, a number of Japanese would go to Hong Kong and visit Disneyland because it is not present in their country. On the other hand, there are people who would rather go and visit local tourist destination because they believe that it is cheaper and it helps the local economy. Going out to local tourist destination helps businesses and gives jobs to people who live nearby. Additionally, due to the ongoing pandemic there are travel restrictions that are enforced and it makes travelling more complex. For an instance, there is a need to undergo quarantine if a traveller decides to go to another country so that risk of transmission of the COVID 19 is prevented. To conclude, experiencing new tradition and seeing new wonders is one of the biggest reason why people visit foreign countries. While, if tourist will enjoy their local travel destination, then it will greatly help the economy and they can save an immense amount of money.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who argues that going
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to have a vacation is better, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
spot. In my opinion, travelling abroad is ideal if an individual is planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and experience foreign tradition while venturing
locally
also
has its benefits.

Firstly
, one of the primary reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go abroad is to experience something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
. A tradition of a place is
commonly
what they seek to witness. There are
also
natural wonders or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
landmarks that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be exclusively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in certain places.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
would
rather
go
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, a number of Japanese would go to Hong Kong and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
Disneyland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not present in their country.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would
rather
go and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
destination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that it is cheaper and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy. Going out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
destination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
businesses and gives jobs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
nearby.
Additionally
, due to the ongoing pandemic there are travel restrictions that
are enforced
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
travelling more complex. For an instance, there is a need to undergo quarantine if a
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
decides to go to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of transmission of the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID 19
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.

To conclude
, experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
tradition and seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
wonders is one of the biggest reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. While, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
will enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
travel destination, then it will
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
economy and
they can save an immense amount of money.
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IELTS essay Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while others believe it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss boh views and give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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