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Many people have a common belief that the most vital factor when choosing a job is salary.

Many people have a common belief that the most vital factor when choosing a job is salary. Mr3qk
Many people have a common belief that the most vital factor when choosing a job is salary. Personally, I agree with the view that money is the key consideration of a job. On the one hand, it is reasonable that salary plays an important role for each career. In fact, a job with high income will help humans to meet their basic needs. For example, food, health care, education, etc… Moreover, with a high income, we can get a chance to support our parents for their sacrifices. For examples, buying a new house or traveling more with them. Finally, money leads to happiness because, along with money, you obtain power. Today, power determines whether you are important or just another expendable in this world, controlled by the powerful On the other hand, there are other elements that are also important. To begin with the work environment, pursuing a job with a suitable work environment is very necessary to considerate. People cannot work effectively if their co-operations are not good or their bosses always reprimand and never make a compliment. In addition, fulfillment is another consideration. Some people think that fulfillment is more necessary than money because they can have a job that makes them happy. If your job brings in a lot of money but does not fulfill your personal needs, you will get frustrated and won't work to your capacity. In conclusion, while I support the view that salary has a vital role for people to pursue a job, I believe that there are also some facts that make people considerate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a common belief that the most vital factor when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is salary.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the key consideration of a job.

On the one hand, it is reasonable that salary plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for each career.

In fact, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with high income will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
humans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs. For

example, food, health care,

education, etc…
Moreover
, with a high income, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to support

our parents for their sacrifices. For examples, buying a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or

traveling more with them.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
leads to happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, along with

money, you obtain power.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, power determines whether you are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
another expendable in this world, controlled by the powerful

On the other hand
, there are other elements that are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment, pursuing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to considerate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
effectively
if their co-operations are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or their bosses always reprimand and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a compliment.
In addition
, fulfillment is another consideration.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that fulfillment is more necessary than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy. If your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
brings in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
does not fulfill your personal needs, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
frustrated and won't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to your capacity.

In conclusion
, while I support the view that salary has a vital role for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I believe that there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facts that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considerate.
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IELTS essay Many people have a common belief that the most vital factor when choosing a job is salary.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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