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Many people go abroad for work purpose. What are the reasons for this? Are the advantages greater than disadvantages?

Many people go abroad for work purpose. What are the reasons for this? Are the advantages greater than disadvantages? RR8aV
Nowadays, most of the people are trying to seek job opportunities in foreign countries except their motherland because of many reasons. To begin with, according to my opinion, people go abroad for work happens because of the wage. In some countries, the salary is not enough to survive in life. Because of that people try to find ways to get a good salary. Then they can give the best for their loved ones. Research shows that in Middle East countries, most of the house workers are from different countries in the world, specially from the poor countries. Furthermore, when people go abroad for working, there are many cons to that country as well as pros. When people working abroad, they send money from there to their loved ones in the mother country. So, it directly increase the foreign exchange of the motherland. Also, those families will not suffer from further economy problems. They will be able to give proper education for their children and they can live happily. But when people go abroad speacially youth, the country is lack of youth Labour power. So, it will affect to the effectiveness of the country. In conclude, from my perspective, advantages of people go abroad for vacancies outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying to seek job opportunities in foreign
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countries
except their motherland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, according to my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for work happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the wage. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
, the salary is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to survive in life.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of that
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people
try to find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary. Then they can give the best for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in Middle East
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
workers are from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world,
specially
from the poor countries.

Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for working, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cons to that
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country
as well
as pros. When
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people
working
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abroad
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
money from there to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones in the mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it
directly
Did you mean "increases"?
increase
the foreign exchange of the motherland.
Also
, those families will not suffer from
further
economy problems. They will be able to give proper education for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
Possible spelling mistake found.
speacially
youth, the
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country
is lack of youth
Possible spelling mistake. 'Labour' is British English.
Labour
power.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it will affect to the effectiveness of the country.

In conclude, from my perspective, advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for vacancies outweigh the disadvantages.
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Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Many people go abroad for work purpose. What are the reasons for this? Are the advantages greater than disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
208 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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