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Many People Find It Hard to Balance Their Work with Other Parts of Their lives. What are the problems with this? Give

Many People Find It Hard to Balance Their Work with Other Parts of Their lives. What are the problems with this? Give gAB5d
In 21 century, it is undeniable that working everyday plays an essential role in huma’s life to fulfill their desire of luxurious and comfortable life. Some people claim that due to hectic schedule and more competition in workplace, they find it difficult to maintain work -life balance. There are phenomenon reasons for this, and I will be discussing those in the given paragraphs. To begin with, As the education rise, the competition in the job sector is also significantly increases that leads to more pressure towards job security. So, to secure their job positions people spend a long hour at workplaces because as the education sector reforms, the employees have enough postgraduates to filling the positions of less potential workers. A research in US has shown that while 85 percent of population is employed and working efficiently, they work are lacking work life balance and cannot resolve many family problems. Secondly, people are very ambitions and because of this they find it hard to manage time for their family and they work day and night in order to become successful and might end up getting lots of diseases related stress that leads to irritability and depression. Despite having so many problems with regards to maintain a work life balance, we still have a number of solutions to overcome such situations. People should start managing their time by prioritizing essential tasks, if they do so they will escape from problems, and it will help them to achieve sense of happiness. For example, my cousin is working in IT sector and he literally has very busy schedule however, he plan things and do work according to priority that helps him to maintain balance in his life. Another solution is to do exercise daily, indeed a research at Harvard University had shown the results of two groups that people in group A who do exercise every day had built skills to overcome hurdles easily in their life and seen happy at both places whereas group a people who doesn’t do exercise faced problems.
In
Did you mean "21st century"?
21 century
, it is undeniable that working
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
plays an essential role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
huma
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to fulfill their desire of luxurious and comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that due to hectic schedule and more competition in workplace, they find it difficult to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
. There are phenomenon reasons for this, and I will be discussing those in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, As the education rise, the competition in the job sector is
also
significantly
increases that leads to more pressure towards job security.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to secure their job positions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a long hour at workplaces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as the education sector reforms, the employees have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
postgraduates to
The usual prepositions to use after "filling" is 'with' not "the" Did you mean "filling the positions with"?
filling the positions of
less potential workers.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
in US has shown that while 85 percent of population
is employed
and working
efficiently
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
and cannot resolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ambitions and
because of this
they find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to manage time for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
day and night in order to become successful and might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up getting lots of diseases related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that leads to irritability and depression.

Despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
, we
still
have a number of solutions to overcome such situations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
managing their time by prioritizing essential tasks, if they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will escape from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to achieve sense of happiness.
For example
, my cousin is working in IT
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sector and
he
literally
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy schedule
however
, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "plans", "planned".
plan
things and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
according to priority that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Another solution is to do exercise daily,
indeed
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
at Harvard University had shown the results of two groups that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in group A who do exercise every day had built
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to overcome hurdles
easily
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
happy at both places whereas group a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
doesn
’t do exercise faced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
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IELTS essay Many People Find It Hard to Balance Their Work with Other Parts of Their lives. What are the problems with this? Give

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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