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Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives OVwM7
The 20th una 21th centuries have such phenomena such as globalization, the IT revolution, ubiquitous advertising opening numerous job opportunities for many people. People are ready to spend a lot of time at work to conform with rules and pace of life. So, the work-life balance of an individual is disturbed. The first reason is costliness of our life. Education, medical insurance, social life, buying a car, it is everything expenses of our existence and social pressure, special if we live in a town, where we need to match a social group and a status. Accordingly, people would stay at work more hours work to gain money which they believe is very necessary. The second, work gives a sense of fulfillment and importance, thar encourages people to work harder. Not everyone has a family, and a goal to get home on time. Such reasons and many others destroy our balance and have negative effect on our physical and mental health. That’s way we don’t have always a time looking after ourselves, to pay a sick leave. Such problems can be resolved by awareness off there problems. Self fulfilment it is not only work. Hobby and interest can bring more benefit than two extra hours at work. New acquaintances and socialization outside of work can be more useful than desire to please a boss. Watch TV less to avoid brainwashing process. Of course, it is a help of government, available education, decent medicine, market competition, handsome salary. Employees can work a reasonable amount of time and then go back home, and the remaining time to devote yourself and your time.
The 20th
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una
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21th
centuries have such phenomena such as globalization, the IT revolution, ubiquitous advertising opening numerous job opportunities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are ready to spend
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a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to conform with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and pace of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the work-life balance of an individual
is disturbed
.

The
first
reason is costliness of our life. Education, medical insurance, social life, buying a car, it is everything expenses of our existence and social pressure, special if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a town, where we need to match a social group and a status.
Accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would stay at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to gain money which they believe is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary. The second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
gives a sense of fulfillment and importance,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thar
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder. Not everyone has a family, and a goal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Such reasons and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
our balance and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on our physical and mental health. That’s way we don’t have always a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
looking after ourselves, to pay a sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.

Such problems can
be resolved
by awareness off
Did you mean "their"?
there
problems.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Self fulfilment
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Hobby and interest can bring more benefit than two extra hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. New acquaintances and socialization outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be more useful than desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
a boss.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Watch
TV less to avoid brainwashing process.
Of course
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, available education, decent medicine, market competition, handsome salary. Employees can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a reasonable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and then go back home, and the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to devote yourself and your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
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IELTS essay Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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