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Many people envy entrepreneurs, perceiving them as wealthy individuals who can do as they please. However, owning your own business also entails a great deal of responsibility. Do you believe the advantages of being self-employed outweigh the disadvantages? Support your answers with specific reasons.

Many people envy entrepreneurs, perceiving them as wealthy individuals who can do as they please. However, owning your own business also entails a great deal of responsibility. Do you believe the advantages of being self-employed outweigh the disadvantages? Support your answers with specific reasons. 8JYAk
Numerous people are jealous of business owners, considering them as rich individuals who can do whatever they want. Although, owning your own business furthermore is a big responsibility. There are plenty of benefits and drawbacks of being self –employed. First and foremost, entrepreneurs who have their own business are independent and they have financial gain. In other words they are their own bosses, they make the decisions as well as they choose the employees and what work they will do. Last but not least they decide what hours to work. In addition, entrepreneurship offers a greater possibility of achieving significant financial rewards than working for someone else. Owning your own business removes the income restraint that exists in being someone else’s employee. On the other hand, there are and many disadvantages of being self-employed. For instance the time commitment. What I mean is that when someone opens his own business, it’s likely, at least in the beginning, that they will have few employees. This leaves all of the duties and responsibilities to the owner. Therefore, this time commitment can place a strain on family and friends and add to the stress of launching a new business venture. Even if the business has been structured to minimize the risk and liability to the owner, risk can’t be completely eliminated. For instance, if an individual leaves a secure job to follow an entrepreneurial dream and the business fails, this financial setback can be hard to overcome. In a nutshell, before someone starting a business it would be good to weigh the advantages and disadvantages in order that to understand if he will able to cope with all this.
Numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are jealous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners, considering them as rich individuals

who can do whatever they want.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, owning your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
furthermore
is

a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of benefits and drawbacks of being
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "self-employed".
self –employed
.

First
and foremost, entrepreneurs who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independent and


they have financial gain.
In other words
they are their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bosses, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the

decisions
as well
as they choose the employees and what work they will do. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but


not least they decide what hours to work.
In addition
, entrepreneurship offers a greater

possibility of achieving significant financial rewards than working for someone else.

Owning your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
removes the income restraint that exists in being someone

else’s employee.

On the other hand
, there are and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of being self-employed. For

instance the time commitment. What I mean is that when someone opens his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own


business, it’s likely, at least in the beginning, that they will have few employees.

This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
Consider using "all the".
all of the
duties and responsibilities to the owner.
Therefore
, this time

commitment can place a strain on family and friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of

launching a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
venture. Even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
has
been structured
to

minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and liability to the owner,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
can’t be completely eliminated. For

instance, if an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a secure job to follow an entrepreneurial dream and

the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
fails, this financial setback can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to overcome.

In a nutshell,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
someone starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to weigh the

advantages and disadvantages in order that to understand if he
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to cope with

all this.
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IELTS essay Many people envy entrepreneurs, perceiving them as wealthy individuals who can do as they please. However, owning your own business also entails a great deal of responsibility. Do you believe the advantages of being self-employed outweigh the disadvantages? Support your answers with specific reasons.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Many people envy entrepreneurs, perceiving them as wealthy individuals who can do as they please. However, owning your own business also entails a great deal of responsibility. Do you believe the advantages of being self-employed outweigh the disadvantages? Support your answers with specific reasons.