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Many people claimed that computers are the most pivotal creation in the last century. While computers are indispensable in the last century, I would agrue that these devices cannot play the most crucial roles.

Many people claimed that computers are the most pivotal creation in the last century. While computers are indispensable in the last century, I would agrue that these devices cannot play the most crucial roles. 3Wm9d
Many people claimed that computers are the most pivotal creation in the last century. While computers are indispensable in the last century, I would agrue that these devices cannot play the most crucial roles. To begin with, computers have brought an abundance of clear benefits for people's life. Firstly, due to the rapid development of the Internet, computers may help people to broaden their horizons. To illustrate, students majoring in English can use Youtube to improve their pronuciation. This allows students to have a better academic performance. Secondly, computers are entirely strong in mathmatics. Therefore, computers would help scientists to complete calcutions and research without taking a host of time, which largely contributes to the improvement of human being. For instance, computers play a paramount importance role in the campaign sending Niel Amstrong to the Moon, which was the most significant breakthrough in the last century. However, computers cannot be the most important invention in the last century. Firstly, computers have been using as an recreational devices for an abundance of people including adults and adolescents. Therefore, young people may imitate the actions in the violence easliy downloaded in the Internet. This would have an adverse effects to criminal rates. For example, in Vietnam, the rate of teenage criminals alarmingly high, due to the detrimental impacts of violent video games. Secondly, due to the fast-pace and convenience of computers, people tend to shop at online stores instead of brick-and-mortar stores to buy their daily supplies, among which clothes and food are typical examples. This may lead to the internet frauds and the laziness of people. To give a clearer example, an increasing number of people informed that their private information has been leaked in public because of their reckless. In conclusion, while computers increasingly play a pivotal roles in people life, I would believe that these devices are not the most indispensable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claimed that computers are the most pivotal creation in the last century. While computers are indispensable in the last century, I would
Possible spelling mistake found.
agrue
that these devices cannot play the most crucial roles.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, computers have brought an abundance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
Firstly
, due to the rapid development of the Internet, computers may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to broaden their horizons. To illustrate, students majoring in English can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
pronuciation
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to have a better academic performance.
Secondly
, computers are
entirely
strong in
Possible spelling mistake found.
mathmatics
.
Therefore
, computers would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
scientists to complete
Possible spelling mistake found.
calcutions
and research without taking a host of time, which
largely
contributes to the improvement of human being.
For instance
, computers play a paramount importance role in the campaign sending
Possible spelling mistake found.
Niel
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amstrong
to the Moon, which was the most significant breakthrough in the last century.

However
, computers cannot be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
invention in the last century.
Firstly
, computers have been using as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
recreational
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "device"?
devices
for an abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including adults and adolescents.
Therefore
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may imitate the actions in the violence
Possible spelling mistake found.
easliy
downloaded
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
. This would have an adverse
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "effect"?
effects
to criminal rates.
For example
, in Vietnam, the rate of teenage criminals
alarmingly
high, due to the detrimental impacts of violent video games.
Secondly
, due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-pace and convenience of computers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to shop at online stores
instead
of brick-and-mortar stores to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their daily supplies, among which clothes and food are typical examples. This may lead to the internet frauds and the laziness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To give a clearer example, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
informed that their private information has
been leaked
in public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their reckless.

In conclusion
, while computers
increasingly
play a pivotal
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "role"?
roles
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life, I would believe that these devices are not the most indispensable
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IELTS essay Many people claimed that computers are the most pivotal creation in the last century. While computers are indispensable in the last century, I would agrue that these devices cannot play the most crucial roles.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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