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Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

Nowadays people are grave about animals. They think animals are abuse because ZOOs or maybe also circus too are forcing them to be on one place or performing something. Animals coaches use a whip to train obedience and just keep animals in a cage, territories, or limited fence. In my opinion for some animals, it would be freedom if they will be in wild nature, but some animals need people to take care of them. And for these reasons I think it would be good to leave ZOOs like they are now. But only one big change they should do and that is reducing animals there. It means that all exotic or other animals which are not belong in that exact country. I mean it would be also a compromise due to for example dogs even they are not in ZOOs they need human care and cannot live in complete freedom. But second big and serious drawback is that many naughty children are interrupting animals when they are sleeping or whatever doing. Kids are knocking at glass or throwing rubbish to the cage and fence. In conclusion I think ZOOs might be closed but only for visitors because like I said some animals need to be cared for. So, I guess it can change from attraction only to care or maybe also treatment of animals. My opinion is somewhere in the middle of agreeing to closed ZOOs and disagreeing with it. I also think that this is something that will be resolved many times in the future.
Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are grave about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are abuse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZOOs
or maybe
also
circus too are forcing them to be on one place or performing something.
Possible agreement error.
Animals coaches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a whip to train obedience and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in a cage, territories, or limited fence.

In my opinion for
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, it would be freedom if they will be in wild nature,
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but
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some
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animals
need
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people
to take care of them. And for these reasons I
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think
it would be
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good
to
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leave
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZOOs
like they are
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now
.
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But
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only
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
they should do and
that is
reducing
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animals
there. It means that all exotic or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are not belong in that exact country. I mean it would be
also
a compromise due to
for example
dogs even they are not in
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZOOs
they need human care and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in complete freedom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and serious drawback is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
naughty children are interrupting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
when they are sleeping or whatever doing. Kids are knocking at glass or throwing rubbish to the cage and fence.

In
The comma is probably missing here: “conclusion, I”.
conclusion I
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think
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZOOs
might
be closed
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but
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only
for visitors
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because
like I said
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
need to
be cared
for.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I guess it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from attraction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to care or maybe
also
treatment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. My opinion is somewhere in the middle of agreeing to closed
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZOOs
and disagreeing with it. I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this is something that will
be resolved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times in the future.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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