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Many people believe that the main aim for university education is to help graduate to find a better jobs, while some people believe that university education should aim at cultivating students’ overall abilities. What is your opinion?

Many people believe that the main aim for university education is to help graduate to find a better jobs, while some people believe that university education should aim at cultivating students’ overall abilities. What is your opinion? eAjDK
Currently, people hold different views about whether the function of university is to impart academic knowledge or teach life skills. A number of people believe that helping students to find a great work is the main duty for campus. However, others argue that learning functional and practical skills is more essential. In my opinion, I support that both parties are vital to graduates for the following reasons. On the one hand, advocates of the major of campus is to schooling graduate academic knowledge such as mathematics, physics and chemistry, in order to get high salaries in their future job. The main benefit of learning required subjects is that it is likely to stimulate students’ creative developments like logical thinking, spatial thinking as well as hand-on ability and problem-solving skills. When they are in the society, those academic skills are the most important skills for the companies or organizations to select talent workers. Therefore, graduates have more opportunities if they have chance to study at college instead of others who do not. On the other hand, there are several advantages of training practical matters for students in universities. Firstly, there are a large number of skills and abilities are indispensable for students’ future life, such as home management, financial management and health care. For example, if children want live away from their parents, they are required to learn life skill to take care of themselves. Secondly, communication ability is also essential for their social life. In the society, they have more chance to meet new people, if they don’t know how to talk polite with others, especially for their boss, they might meet challenges. As a result, training practical skills in advance are conductive to one’s self-betterment and self-realization. In conclusion, from my own perspective, I strongly believe that the major of university is to stimulating students’ abilities and help them to receive enough salaries in their individual life.
Currently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether the function of university is to impart academic knowledge or teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to find a great work is the main duty for campus.
However
, others argue that learning functional and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is more essential. In my opinion, I support that both parties are vital to graduates for the following reasons.

On the one hand, advocates of the major of campus is
The word 'to' seems to be wrong here. "schooling" is a present participle verb.
to schooling
graduate academic knowledge such as mathematics, physics and chemistry, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high salaries in their future job. The main benefit of learning required subjects is that it is likely to stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
creative developments like logical thinking, spatial thinking
as well
as hand-on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
and problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. When they are in the society, those academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or organizations to select talent workers.
Therefore
, graduates have more opportunities if they have chance to study at college
instead
of others who do not.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are several advantages of training practical matters for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in universities.
Firstly
, there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
are indispensable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, such as home management, financial management and health care.
For example
, if children want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from their parents, they
are required
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to take care of themselves.
Secondly
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
is
also
essential for their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In the society, they have more chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, if they don’t know how to talk polite with others,
especially
for their boss, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
challenges.
As a result
, training practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in advance are conductive to one’s self-betterment and self-realization.

In conclusion
, from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I
strongly
believe that the major of university is
The word 'to' seems to be wrong here. "stimulating" is a present participle verb.
to stimulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salaries in their individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that the main aim for university education is to help graduate to find a better jobs, while some people believe that university education should aim at cultivating students’ overall abilities. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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