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Some people regard video games as harm,or even a useful educational tool.

Some people regard video games as harm, or even a useful educational tool. BwkGj
It is thought by some people video games are harmless fun and have bad effects on people. When people play video games they look phone or computer a lot hours and that cause poor eye sight and headache and also lumber curvature. But there are also some benefits. One evident benefit is helping us improve our ability to reason and solve problems. They help us make split-second decisions, process information more quickly and multitask effectively. We can use these abilities in our life and we can get a lot of successes in our job. My best friend’s sister is computer engineer and she said playing video games help her make up mind quickly in her work. The other benefit is helping learn new language, if you play video games in different language you can learn new words and my classmates say to me this help them for leaning English. On the other hand, there are obvious disadvantages for our healthy, firstly, when we look computer so much it can be cause poor eye sight and when we sit crooked this cause some lumber curvature. Years ago, my cousin played video games, in result it cause scoliosis on my cousin and in my childhood I also play with him, that is why now I used glasses for my poor eye site. Secondly, it can cause headache on you and you can not concentrate your lessons, in my old school this was a lot of students’ problems. In conclusion, while there are a few plus points, solve problems quickly and get decision, also learn new language. But there are more drawbacks which are cause some problems in our healthy.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are harmless fun and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they look phone or computer
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of hours"?
a lot hours
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
poor
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
and headache and
also
lumber curvature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.

One evident benefit is helping us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our ability to reason and solve problems. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
split-second decisions, process information more
quickly
and multitask
effectively
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these abilities in our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
successes in our job. My best friend’s sister is computer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
engineer and
she said playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up mind
quickly
in her work. The other benefit is helping learn new language, if you play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
language you can learn new words and my classmates say to me this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them for leaning English.

On the other hand
, there are obvious disadvantages for our healthy,
firstly
, when we look computer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much it can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
poor
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
and when we sit crooked this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lumber curvature. Years ago, my cousin played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, in result it
Did you mean "causes"?
cause
scoliosis on my cousin and in my childhood I
also
play with him,
that is
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
glasses for my poor eye site.
Secondly
, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
headache on you and you can not concentrate your lessons, in my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
school this was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
students’ problems.

In conclusion
, while there are a few plus points, solve problems
quickly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
decision,
also
learn new language.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are more drawbacks which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in our healthy.
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IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harm, or even a useful educational tool.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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