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Some people think that too much technology can have a negative impact on our lives. To what extent do your agree or disagree ?

Some people think that too much technology can have a negative impact on our lives. RR3MM
The development of technology has altered our life a lot, and some people suppose that too much technology can harm our lives. In my opinion, I completely agree with this idea because of some reasons. Firstly, it is changing this life day by day. Our lifestyle is becoming more and more different from the past. Most of us spend more time on technical devices, working on learning all need to use them. Even with entertainment, people come to phone or computer to find the recreations. This thing makes us get tired and some illnesses such nearsightedness, fat and so on. We will have no time to go out, play sports to enhance our health, . . . Secondly, it impacts our mental, we can fall into the virtual world, waste the rest of life on it. Some people can not even distinguish between real-life and virtual life, they forget all things outside and gradually die in their room. Thirdly, the replacement of robots can cause unemployment for a good few people. Because of its incredible benefits, they are used popular in factories, or restaurants, . . . Anh result is that lots of employees lost their job. In conclusion, for the reasons stated, I hope the flaws of technology will be addressed shortly. Finally, thanks for reading.
The development of technology has altered our
life
a lot, and
some
people
suppose that too much technology can harm our
lives
. In my opinion, I completely
agree
with this
idea
because
of
some
reasons.
Firstly
, it is changing this
life
day by day. Our lifestyle is becoming more and more
different
from the past. Most of us spend more time on technical devices, working on learning all need to
use
them. Even with entertainment,
people
come
to phone or computer to find the recreations. This thing
makes
us
get
tired and
some
illnesses such nearsightedness,
fat
and
so
on. We will have no time to go out, play sports to enhance our health
, .
.
.
Secondly
, it impacts our mental, we can fall into the virtual world, waste the rest of
life
on it.
Some
people
can not even distinguish between real-life and virtual
life
, they forget all things outside and
gradually
die
in their room.
Thirdly
, the replacement of robots can cause unemployment for a
good
few
people
.
Because
of its incredible benefits, they are
used
popular in factories, or restaurants
, .
.
.
Anh result
is that lots of employees lost their job.
In conclusion
, for the reasons stated, I hope the flaws of technology will
be addressed
shortly.
Finally
, thanks for reading.
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IELTS essay Some people think that too much technology can have a negative impact on our lives.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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