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Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems.What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? 7goy
The increasing rate of violence in films is a matter of concern for sometimes now. As violence looks exciting, entertaining and easy to copy however, it is leading to some serious issues in society. It needs our attention and definite steps are required to eradicate this problem. First of all, the people who enjoy violence in films loose empathy for victims in real life Because they do not consider the serious impact of it on an individual. In films, mostly the violent character is a hero who is admired and accepted by everyone. So many start believing that they will gain acceptance in society with similar behavior. For instance, many metro cities in world has increasing crime rate. The films which portray such character for "fun " is causing serious damage in society. We need to take definite steps to combat this problem. On one hand, Government needs to make strict policies against content depicts in films. So, Producers are cautious about the violence in films. On other hand, Educate people about the bad impacts of cruelty. Like, movies can show the negative impact of violence. Instead of showing person as hero, films can portray a real impact on the person who does cruelty. It will help to educate people about negative impact of violence in society. To conclude, We as Audience and government need to work hand in hand to eradicate this problem by showing the impact of violence in real life through films which will educate people about seriousness of this issue.
The increasing rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in films is a matter of concern for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. As
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violence
looks exciting, entertaining and easy to copy
however
, it is leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious issues in society. It
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needs
our attention and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
steps
are required
to eradicate this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in films loose empathy for victims in real life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they do not consider the serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of it on an individual. In films,
mostly
the violent character is a hero who
is admired
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
believing that they will gain acceptance in society with similar behavior.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metro cities in world has increasing crime rate. The films which portray such character for
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
fun
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
is causing serious damage in society.

We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
steps to combat this problem. On one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict policies against content depicts in films.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, Producers are cautious about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in films. On other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
, Educate
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people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
of cruelty. Like, movies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
Instead
of showing person as hero, films can portray a real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on the person who does cruelty. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in society.

To conclude
, We as Audience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
to eradicate this problem by showing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in real life through films which will educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about seriousness of this issue.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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