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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. kyDO
These days, participating in individual sports, especially football and hockey is said to provide far more benefits than joining in individual sports. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the arguments and give my opinion in the conclusion. It is obvious that team sports offer a great deal of benefits. On the other hand, team sports contain many people from different class of society, meaning that players have opportunities to integrate fully with the other people. For example, there might be some players were born in wealthy families, while other participants came from lower class. However, they all were grouped with the same objective which is winning, enabling conversations as well as discussions about strategies to be established naturally. Furthermore, joining in sports group might allow new players to acquire skills of others with the aim of enhancing their abilities. To put it simply, the variety of skills, together with experience of each individual in a team are great sources for new comers to assimilate considerable knowledge. In addition, the advantages of playing individual sports is undeniable. First of all, individual sports teach players how to be self – reliant. On condition that athletes expresses his or her desire to win, they have to depend on their own efforts, and they can not count on someone else carrying them through the competition. This teach them to be responsible for their own action and decisions. Secondly, individual sports allow athletes to compete at their own pace. For instance, when a young person determine to play karate or tennis, they would probably practice with people of a similar skill level. Thus, there is not as much pressure to keep pace with the other players. In conclusion, although there are vast amounts of benefits of team sports, I believe that individual sports has their own advantages as well. In my opinion, it would be subjects to participants to decide which type of sports provide them with more advantages.
These days, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
especially
football and hockey
is said
to provide far more benefits than joining in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the arguments and give my opinion in the conclusion.

It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
offer a great deal of benefits. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of society, meaning that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
have opportunities to integrate
fully
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
were born
in wealthy families, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
participants came from lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
However
, they all
were grouped
with the same objective which is winning, enabling conversations
as well
as discussions about strategies to
be established
naturally
.
Furthermore
, joining in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
group might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of others with the aim of enhancing their abilities. To put it
simply
, the variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, together with experience of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
are great sources for
Did you mean "newcomers"?
new comers
to assimilate considerable knowledge.

In addition
, the advantages of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is undeniable.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
how to be
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "self-reliant".
self – reliant
. On condition that athletes expresses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
desire to win, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
efforts, and they can not count on someone else
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "carries", "carried".
carrying
them through the competition.
The verb 'teach' is plural. Did you mean: "This teaches"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This teach
them to be responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
action and decisions.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
athletes to compete at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace.
For instance
, when a young person determine to
The usual collocation for an activity that does not end in "-ing" and is not something you can win is "do" not "go" or "play." Revise: "do karate".
play karate
or tennis, they would
probably
practice with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of a similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
level.
Thus
, there is not as much pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
players.

In conclusion
, although there are vast amounts of benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages
as well
. In my opinion, it would be subjects to participants to decide which type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide them with more advantages.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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