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many people believe that the gap between the rich and poor is rising. What kind of problems arise from it? Suggest ways to solve these issues.

many people believe that the gap between the rich and poor is rising. What kind of problems arise from it? Suggest ways to solve these issues. BgaJm
The advent of globalization in 1800s opened a vast number of business opportunities. During the 1950s and 1960s when industrial capitalization led its way into the world, it did nothing much to improve the wealth distribution. The rich were getting richer while the poorer were getting poorer. The bloom in industrial capitalization has mostly benefited the affluent classes and the lower classes gained nothing significant from it. For example, between 1960s and 1970s the condition of Iran grew worse. The opulent classes got wealthier from the oil trade whereas, the indigent workers suffered from hunger and poverty. The dearth of employment for all, further exacerbated the situation. Another reason for concentrated wealth distribution is, the lack of proper education. In most of the countries, education is quite expensive and often beyond the reach of the deprived classes. To overcome such conditions governmental interference is required. Ideally, governments should subsidize the cost of education in order to promote it. Some governments have already taken hefty measures to make sure everyone gets education. They have offered free meals for students who will go to schools. If governments are incapable of providing monetary benefits then they should at least reserve seats for such people. Education can provide employment to needy people. They should also initiate programs promoting skills especially those who are uneducated. Even wealth distribution is only plausible if government creates concrete policies ensuring the well-being of needy people. Some laws regarding appropriate pay and employment must be enacted. Government should strictly supervise companies that are responsible in providing employment.
The advent of globalization
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1800s".
in 1800s
opened a vast number of business opportunities. During the 1950s and 1960s when industrial capitalization led its way into the world, it did nothing much to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the wealth distribution. The rich were getting richer while the poorer were getting poorer.

The bloom in industrial capitalization has
mostly
benefited the affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and the lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
gained nothing significant from it.
For example
, between 1960s and 1970s the condition of Iran grew worse. The opulent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
wealthier from the oil trade whereas, the indigent workers suffered from hunger and poverty. The dearth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
for all,
further
exacerbated the situation.

Another reason for concentrated wealth distribution is, the lack of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In most of the countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is quite expensive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
beyond the reach of the deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. To overcome such conditions governmental interference
is required
.
Ideally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should subsidize the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in order to promote it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have already taken hefty measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. They have offered free meals for students who will go to schools. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are incapable of providing monetary benefits then they should at least reserve seats for such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
to needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They should
also
initiate programs promoting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
especially
those who
are uneducated
.

Even wealth distribution is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
plausible if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
creates concrete policies ensuring the well-being of needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
laws regarding appropriate pay and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be enacted
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
strictly
supervise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that are responsible in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
.
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IELTS essay many people believe that the gap between the rich and poor is rising. What kind of problems arise from it? Suggest ways to solve these issues.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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