Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people believe that students in remote areas should be given bonus points in the national graduation exam. Others believe that no one should be given that advantage. Discuss both points and give your opinion?

Many people believe that students in remote areas should be given bonus points in the national graduation exam. Others believe that no one should be given that advantage. kbgK2
It is undeniable that the education systems in urban areas are better than those in remote areas. Although a number of people believe that students from far-flung regions should be given bonus point in the entrance examination to universities and colleges, I would argue that no one should be given that advantage for a variety of reasons. On the one hand, advocates of the idea of giving students bonus points in the national graduation exam base their opinion on the fact that students in remote areas have more limited access to learning facilities and references. For instance, while the use of the Internet is widespread in urban cities, in some mountainous areas where the living standard is quite low, some students have never heard of the term “Internet” and even have to struggle to go to school by means of part-time and farm work. As a consequence, those students’s education backgrounds are relatively disadvantageous compared to those in urban areas, and that many people believe that they should be given more opportunities in the entrance examination in universities and colleges. On the other hand, being given bonus points can result in bad habits and misconceptions. This new policy may cause many students to bear in mind that they will easily get admitted to prestigious universtities just with a little hard work and preparation. Consequently, they will neglect their studies and be easily lured by entertainment factors such as video or electronic games. In addition, living in far-flung areas does not mean that students can’t have access to universities and colleges. Many students who come from remote regions still become a top-school student or even high the highest scores in the national graduation exam because they are determined to achieve their goals to open a brighter future door and to support their parents. To conclude, regardless of their education background, non students should be given advantage in the national graduation exam because this can place their under wrong conceptions which can ruin their opportunities and their future door.
It is undeniable that the education systems in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are better than those in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Although a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from far-flung regions should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bonus point in the entrance examination to universities and colleges, I would argue that no one should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that advantage for a variety of reasons.

On the one hand, advocates of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
bonus points in the national graduation exam base their opinion on the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have more limited access to learning facilities and references.
For instance
, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet is widespread in urban cities, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mountainous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where the living standard is quite low,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have never heard of the term “Internet” and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle to go to school by means of part-time and farm work. As a consequence, those
Did you mean "student’s" or "students’"?
students’s
education backgrounds are
relatively
disadvantageous compared to those in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, and that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more opportunities in the entrance examination in universities and colleges.

On the other hand
, being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bonus points can result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and misconceptions. This new policy may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to bear in mind that they will
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to prestigious
Possible spelling mistake found.
universtities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and preparation.
Consequently
, they will neglect their studies and be
easily
lured by entertainment factors such as video or electronic games.
In addition
, living in far-flung
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can’t have access to universities and colleges.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from remote regions
still
become a top-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
or even high the highest scores in the national graduation exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are determined
to achieve their goals to open a brighter future door and to support their parents.

To conclude
, regardless of their education background, non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
advantage in the national graduation exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can place their under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
conceptions which can ruin their opportunities and their future door.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Many people believe that students in remote areas should be given bonus points in the national graduation exam. Others believe that no one should be given that advantage.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts