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In education and employment, some people work harder than others

In education and employment, some people work harder than others GrJEe
It is true that some individuals are more studious and workaholic in comparison with other members in society. Although it can be beneficial in reaching your goals, I think that it can have negative effects on your health and social life. We can shape our personalities, we control our destinies, by working hard we can achieve any goals we put in our minds. In spite of the fact that success in most cases gained through making strenuous efforts both in education and business life, you should do everything within borders of your mental and physical abilities.
It is true that
some
individuals are more studious and workaholic
in comparison
with other members in society. Although it can be beneficial in reaching your goals, I
think
that it can have
negative
effects on your health and social life.

We can shape our personalities, we control our destinies, by working
hard
we can achieve any goals we put in our minds.

In spite of
the fact that success
in most cases
gained through making strenuous efforts both in education and business life, you should do everything within borders of your mental and physical abilities.
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IELTS essay In education and employment, some people work harder than others

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
96 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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