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Many people believe social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge impact on both individuals and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people believe social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge impact on both individuals and society. v. 1
Social networking sites, like Facebook have become extremely popular among all age groups. Some people believe that networking sites have a detrimental effect on the society and the local communities. However, I believe that such sites are mainly beneficial to the individual, I agree they can have a damaging implication on the local communities. With regards to the individuals, the impact social media has on a person has clear advantages. Firstly, people from different countries can be connected on these networking platforms whereas, before the development of technology or social media, people rarely had a chance to be to communicate with anyone else apart from their immediate circle. Secondly, Facebook allows to form groups or forums where people across the globe can participate in the discussions and this will enable exchange of ideas who share similar interests. On the other hand, the effect that social media sites has on the society and local communities can be considered to be negative. For instance, it is seen that individuals, rather than taking part in the local community, they are more interested in life’s of the people online. Furthermore, society as a whole is becoming fragmented and disjoint as people like to spend time online with the people whom they have never met face to face and whom they are unlikely to meet in the future. In the end, even though social networking sites have bought individuals closer but they have not had the same effect on the society or local communities. Local communities should try to do more and involve local people in local activities in order to promote future of the community life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, like Facebook have become
extremely
popular among all age groups.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a detrimental effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
However
, I believe that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
mainly
beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
they can have a damaging implication on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, the impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media has on a person has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries can
be connected
on these networking platforms whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the development of technology or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely had a chance to be to communicate with anyone else apart from their immediate circle.
Secondly
, Facebook
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "forming"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to form
groups or forums where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe can participate in the discussions and this will enable exchange of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
who share similar interests.

On the other hand
, the effect that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
has on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
can
be considered
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
For instance
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
,
rather
than taking part in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, they are more interested in life’s of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
online.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole is becoming fragmented and disjoint as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to spend time online with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whom they have never met face to face and whom they are unlikely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in the future.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
closer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have not had the same effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
should try to do more and involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
activities in order to promote future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge impact on both individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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