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Many people believe that social networking sites have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society v.1

Many people believe that social networking sites have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society v. 1
With the development of technology, the use of social networking site has increased dramatically throughout the last 20 years. Keep this in mind, there are many people believe that the use of social networking site does have a variety of detrimental impacts on both individuals and society. However, while I believe that social networking sites enhance and improve people’s social lives, I agree that it causes some inevitable effects on our community. With regards to individuals, the use of networking site, such as Facebook or Twitter, does have distinct advantages. Firstly, it allows people to connect freely and efficiently with others who share similar experiences, hobbies, and interest, without the concern of geographical barriers. Additionally, it also enables people who work or study abroad to communicate with their family or friends. Consequently, it limits the feeling of loneliness and allows people to feel proximity. Therefore, the use of networking site is essential for people’s social lives as it enables people to communicate with each other, especially those who have the issue of geographical barriers. On the other hand, the use of social networking site does have some detrimental impacts on our community due to its extremely addictive nature. The concern of people starting to become addicted to social networking sites has increased dramatically and this severe concern especially happens among youths and young adults. The addictive nature often resulting in people to have less crucial face-to-face communications, and it also encourages people to have a sedentary lifestyle. Consequently, it causes fewer people to join community activities and more people are less connected with their neighbourhoods. In conclusion, social networking sites enable people to communicate with others without the concern of geographical barriers, and this is especially advantaged to people who are working or study abroad. However, due to the addictive nature of networking sites, it decreases crucial face-to-face communication between people and encourages people to have a detrimental sedentary lifestyle.
With the development of technology, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
has increased
dramatically
throughout the last 20 years.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Keep
this in mind, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
does have a variety of detrimental impacts on both individuals and society.
However
, while I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
enhance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inevitable effects on our community.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
individuals, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
, such as Facebook or Twitter, does have distinct advantages.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to connect
freely
and
efficiently
with others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
share similar experiences, hobbies, and interest, without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concern
of geographical barriers.
Additionally
, it
also
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work or study abroad to communicate with their family or friends.
Consequently
, it limits the feeling of loneliness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel proximity.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
especially
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the issue of geographical barriers.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental impacts on our community due to its
extremely
addictive nature. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concern
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
starting to become addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
has increased
dramatically
and this severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concern
especially
happens among youths and young adults. The addictive nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
resulting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have less crucial face-to-face communications, and it
also
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a sedentary lifestyle.
Consequently
, it causes fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
community activities and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less connected with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with others without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concern
of geographical barriers, and this is
especially
advantaged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working or study abroad.
However
, due to the addictive nature of networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, it decreases crucial face-to-face communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a detrimental sedentary lifestyle.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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