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Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players.

Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players. Ym9JB
Plenty of people think about playing video games instead of doing physical activities is a squander of time and it might make an impact with negative effects to their health. I partially agree with this view because, video games give both sides negative and positive sides in this essay I will explain. To begin, playing video games nowadays is increasing gradually and it has got both sides I am going to begin from good sides first of all, playing video games is good because if the more players play video games the more will be better to them. They may get good information for example, through playing games they could learn how to adapt outside life and also it brodens their horizon. On the other hand I am going to count video games' negative sides for instance playing video games it brings negative sides, from these, if between 4 and 10 aged children play they may want to do even life as an in the game. Furthermore, playing video games much it might bring obesity and also, they could lose the vision of their eyes and it brings less attention to others. To sump up, influencing with bad effects to health of players and getting rise of their weight and it might bring further diseases.
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Plenty
of
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people
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think
about
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of doing physical activities is
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'squander' is correct. If 'squander' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a squander
of time and it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an impact with
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negative
effects to their health. I
partially
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agree
with this view
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because
,
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video
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games
give both
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sides
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negative
and
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positive
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sides
in this essay I will
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explain
.

To
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begin
,
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playing
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video
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games
nowadays is increasing
gradually
and it has
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got
both
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sides
I am going to
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begin
from
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good
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sides
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
,
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playing
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video
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games
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
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because
if the more players play
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video
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games
the more will be better to them. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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good
information
for example
, through
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playing
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games
they could learn how to adapt outside life and
also
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
brodens
their horizon.

On the other hand
I am going to count
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video
games'
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negative
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sides
for instance
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
, from these, if between 4 and 10 aged children play they may want to do even life as an in the game.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
much it might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
obesity and
also
, they could lose the vision of their eyes and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
less attention to others.

To sump up, influencing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects to health of players and getting rise of their weight and it might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
further
diseases.

IELTS essay Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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