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Many people believe that playing toys for children is influencing negatively for their health and personal development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that playing toys for children is influencing negatively for their health and personal development. AgGOL
In recent years, The vast majority number of children have devoted entertaining with playthings to have an enjoyable time. It is argued by some that toys have a negative implication to appropriate growth as well as mental and physical. I believe that playing with toys such as dolls or softy toys can lead to positive effects on children`s getting bigger On the one hand, as more and more parents tend to buy a variety of playing items for their kids without thinking of how they match for their age, it is contributing badly. Some military artificial items such as guns which are based on making serious crimes might be a good example that would encourage hurting someone in reality. In fact, one of the primary reasons for this is that parents allow watching violent and militant movies on tv for toddlers even their kids. Thereby, It can make great probability to provide aggressive behaviors on children who are determined to play a myth by imitating criminal actions whatever they realize or not. so Authorities, as well as parents, are responsible for our future generation. On the other hand, Instead of sitting in front of tv set for an entire day, there are far more merits of spending time efficiently with favorite toys rather than other activities. In my opinion, It is likely to depend on the type of toys. For instance, in today`s development, more toys manufacturers are producing many diverse of playthings such as colorful puzzles and brainstorming toys which is very appropriate for both gender and ages caused developmentally on children growing up and using their imagination even defining the capacity of dealing problems. Furthermore, Entertaining with toys in the planning time might be constructive and practical. To give just one example, More girls even the boys are keen on amusing with dolls or toys made in the shape of soft animal patterns which is resulting powerfully taking care of animals and be open-mind toward them as much as they can, until accessing a real live owned animal. This should be great practice for children's mental health improvement.
In recent years, The vast majority number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have devoted entertaining with playthings to have an enjoyable time. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implication to appropriate growth
as well
as mental and physical. I believe that playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
such as dolls or softy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children`s
getting bigger

On the one hand, as more and more parents tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a variety of playing items for their kids without thinking of how they match for their age, it is contributing
badly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
military artificial items such as guns which
are based
on making serious crimes might be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example that would encourage hurting someone in reality. In fact, one of the primary reasons for this is that parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
watching violent and militant movies on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
for toddlers even their kids. Thereby, It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
great probability to provide aggressive behaviors on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are determined
to play a myth by imitating criminal actions whatever they realize or not.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
Authorities,
as well
as parents, are responsible for our future generation.

On the other hand
,
Instead
of sitting in front of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
set for an entire day, there are far more merits of spending time
efficiently
with favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
rather
than other activities. In my opinion, It is likely to depend on the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
For instance
, in
The character between 'today' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "today’s" (curly apostrophe) or "today's" (straight apostrophe).
today`s
development, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
manufacturers are producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diverse of playthings such as colorful puzzles and brainstorming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
appropriate for both gender and ages caused
developmentally
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
growing up and using their imagination even defining the capacity of dealing problems.
Furthermore
, Entertaining with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in the planning time might be constructive and practical. To give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one example, More girls even the boys are keen on amusing with dolls or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
made in the shape of soft animal patterns which is resulting
powerfully
taking care of animals and be open-mind toward them as much as they can, until accessing a real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
animal. This should be great practice for children's mental health improvement.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that playing toys for children is influencing negatively for their health and personal development.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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