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Many people believe that older employers, who had a leader role in a company should be encouraged to leave their duties, so as to give opportunities to new generations

Many people believe that older employers, who had a leader role in a company should be encouraged to leave their duties, so as to give opportunities to new generations OMAyG
Many people believe that older employers, who had a leader role in a company should be encouraged to leave their duties, so as to give opportunities to new generations. I partly agree with this view, supporting elder employers. However, in my opinion, in some cases an idea like that can be destructive for company’s future. First and for foremost, I believe that younger individuals in leader positions can improve a company with their fresh ideas and their energy. Most of the young individuals have finished their academic studies recently, and as a result their knowledge is based on present and future views about their job. Also, their energy will help the company to improve its weaker points and make an organization greater. For example, Apple company is one of the richest organizations in the world. This economic empire was structured and was organized, by an ambitious young university student, who focused on computer devices, the famous Steve Jobs. On the other hand, young leaders can be “destructive” for an organization, because younger individuals are inexperienced. I personally believe that older employers are used to passing working obstacles and helping an organization to face the working difficulties, rather than younger individuals. Newer generations do not know how to deal with a difficult situation, because they do not have enough working years. For example, many sons destruct parent’s companies due to the shortage of experience. Taking everything into consideration, I personally believe that organization’s staff, need to be included by both young and older experienced managers and employers. Young members can improve with their passion and energy, while older members can give their advice and their experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
, who had a leader role in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their duties,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
give opportunities to new generations. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, supporting elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
.
However
, in my opinion, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
like that can be destructive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
future.

First
and for foremost, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in leader positions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with their fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and their energy. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have finished their academic studies recently, and
as a result
their knowledge
is based
on present and future views about their job.
Also
, their energy will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its weaker points and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
greater.
For example
, Apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is one of the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
in the world. This economic empire
was structured
and
was organized
, by an ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
university student, who focused on computer devices, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Steve Jobs.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
leaders can be “destructive” for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are inexperienced
. I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to passing working obstacles and helping an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
to face the working difficulties,
rather
than younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. Newer generations do not know how to deal with a difficult situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
working years.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sons destruct parent’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
due to the shortage of experience.

Taking everything into consideration, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization’s
staff, need to
be included
by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
experienced managers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
members can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
with their passion and energy, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
members can give their advice and their experience.

IELTS essay Many people believe that older employers, who had a leader role in a company should be encouraged to leave their duties, so as to give opportunities to new generations

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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