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Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, whilst others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. 

It is crystal clear that there are some people who consider music as simply a medium of enjoyment, while the ones on the other end of the spectrum think of music as a kind of socially reinforcement on people of all ages throughout the times. In my opinion, I deeply believe that music has the authority on cultural basis of society not merely providing the sense of happiness. Those that argue for the narrower view of music can easily highlight the ways in which music is consumed today. People listen to music at parties, nightclubs, and weddings to dance and enjoy themselves. They listen using streaming services like YouTube, Apple Music and Spotify to relax throughout the average day. The end result of all that listening is not that individuals think deeply about the lyrics or in any way question their actions, attitudes, or prejudices. Moreso than narrative forms of entertainment like movies and books, music is almost purely for entertainment and rarely rises above the level of subconscious enjoyment. While there is some truth to the argument above, music turns a positive spotlight on previously underrepresented demographic groups. People do not simply listen to music; they are also apt to follow and admire their favourite artists. One of the best examples of this is the championing of LGBT lifestyles. Elton John was an early example of an artist whose sexuality was fluid at a time when many viewed this behaviour as deviant. He did not come out as gay until much later but his influence on aspiring artists and the average listener was immense. Today, there are many artists who are openly gay and this not only reduces bigotry in general by undermining its logic but also inspires others to come out. A person listening to and following artists in any genre today accepts these once alternative lifestyles as the norm. In conclusion, music has an important role to play in society by giving voice to previously silent groups. In the same way that music broke down racial barriers in the 20th century, the 21st century will be the century of inclusion.
It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as
simply
a medium of enjoyment, while the ones on the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the spectrum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a kind of
socially
reinforcement on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages throughout the times. In my opinion, I
deeply
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the authority on cultural basis of society not
merely
providing the sense of happiness. Those that argue for the narrower view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
easily
highlight the ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is consumed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at parties, nightclubs, and weddings to dance and enjoy themselves. They listen using streaming services like YouTube, Apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
and Spotify to relax throughout the average day. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
result of all that listening is not that individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
deeply
about the lyrics or in any way question their actions, attitudes, or prejudices.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moreso
than narrative forms of entertainment like movies and books,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is almost
purely
for entertainment and rarely rises above the level of subconscious enjoyment.

While there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth to the argument above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
turns a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
spotlight on previously underrepresented demographic groups.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not
simply
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
; they are
also
apt to follow and admire their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. One of the best examples of this is the championing of LGBT lifestyles. Elton John was an early example of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
whose sexuality was fluid at a time when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
viewed this
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
as deviant. He did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out as gay until much later
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his influence on aspiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and the average listener was immense.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who are
openly
gay and this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
bigotry
in general
by undermining its logic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
inspires others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out. A person listening to and following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in any genre
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
accepts
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘once’. Did you mean “this once” or “these onces”?
these once
alternative lifestyles as the norm.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play in society by giving voice to previously silent groups.
In the same way
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
broke down racial barriers in the 20th century, the 21st century will be the century of inclusion.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, whilst others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
353 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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