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Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. k7yW
Many individuals trust contemporary music to have detrimental effect on the children, whereas a few of them thinks that present day music, like hip hop and rap, have constructive effects. Though nothing can beat the old classical music love, modern music has brought innovation and improvisation to the music industry and the world. Firstly, lets emphasize on the contradictory points that contemporary music poses these days. The use of extreme inappropriate languages and extra obscene videos is easily picked up by the teenagers and they try to immaculate it in their daily lifestyle. This gradually results in their lack of good social behavior. On the other hand, the positive changes and the freedom of voice as well as the individuality that these music brings cannot be ignored. These kind of music, despite being funky, is often quite meaningful and gives a totally new direction to the old music genre. Teenagers get inspired from these kind of music as the artists often share their struggles and success in their songs. This results in making children stronger mentally and helps them to cop up from their own share of struggles from school and home works. In conclusion, I personally believe that todays music have both bad sides and good sides. We should leave the conclusion to the teenagers because it’s them who will decide if they like contemporary music or the classical, in respect of their track, tunes and messages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals trust contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to have detrimental effect on the children, whereas a few of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that present day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, like hip hop and rap, have constructive effects. Though nothing can beat the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has brought innovation and improvisation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry and the world.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
emphasize on the contradictory points that contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
poses these days. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of extreme inappropriate languages and extra obscene videos is
easily
picked up by the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teenagers and
they try to immaculate it in their daily lifestyle. This
gradually
results in their lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social behavior.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and the freedom of voice
as well
as the individuality that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, despite being funky, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
quite meaningful and gives a
totally
new direction to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genre.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired from
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as the artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
share their struggles and success in their songs. This results in making children stronger mentally and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to cop up from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
share of struggles from school and home works.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "todays'" or "today's"?
todays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sides and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sides. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the conclusion to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it’s them who will decide if they like contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or the classical, in respect of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
, tunes and messages.

IELTS essay Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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