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Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Other believes the effect of modern music is positive. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Other believes the effect of modern music is positive. B3rj
Contemporary music ponder by masses can impose detrimental effect on current generation, yet this has advantages on youngsters considered by others. The question is, what is a main purpose of music whether it is a modern or conventional? Indeed, it is created for society to listen to and get indulged in it while working at home or at office which will calm their mind and relax their body. Certainly, I agreed with the later notion. However, I will discuss the both beliefs in forthcoming paragraphs along with elaboration about my opinion. First and foremost, the demerit of prevailing music trend is a use of expletive language in their songs. The current music industry has advance technology to create intimidating music background, beats, and sounds and these good quality songs enticed teenagers to hear lest contains obscene words. Consequently, affects children behavior and language. For instance, the children development and welfare organization published an article in 2018 that 65% of the adolescence fell prey to hip- hop and rap song and 30% of them attempt to opt such career path in their learning age. Paradoxically, the music as a pro can play imperative part in quotidian hectic lifestyle as pupils spend their whole day in school studying so to release these stress, they can listen to music, in addition, they can hear music during studying. To exemplify, the school and university union magazine elucidated in 2019 about their survey which depicted that 70% students scored good marks in their exams, who listened to music while studying, owing to it increased their level of concentration
Contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
ponder by masses can impose detrimental effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation,
yet
this has advantages on youngsters considered by others. The question is, what is a main purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
whether it is a modern or conventional?
Indeed
, it
is created
for society to listen to and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged in it while working at home or at office which will calm their mind and relax their body.
Certainly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with the later notion.
However
, I will discuss the both beliefs in forthcoming paragraphs along with elaboration about my opinion.

First
and foremost, the demerit of prevailing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
trend is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of expletive language in their songs. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry has advance technology to create intimidating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
background, beats, and sounds and these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality songs enticed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to hear lest contains obscene words.
Consequently
, affects children behavior and language.
For instance
, the children development and welfare organization published an article in 2018 that 65% of the adolescence fell prey to hip- hop and rap song and 30% of them attempt to opt such career path in their learning age.

Paradoxically
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a pro can play imperative part in quotidian hectic lifestyle as pupils spend their whole day in school studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to release these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, they can listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
in addition
, they can hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
during studying. To exemplify, the school and university union magazine elucidated in 2019 about their survey which depicted that 70% students scored
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks in their exams, who listened to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while studying, owing to it increased their level of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
concentration

IELTS essay Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Other believes the effect of modern music is positive.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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