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Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive. 76My
Music has change dramatically over the years and new types of music constantly appearing. Music might be change people’s perspectives, reimagine mindsets and possibilities. Nowadays, some people feel that recently popular style such as rap and hip hop, are just noise and can’t consider into real music, unlike older styles, such as rock and jazz. Somebody feel that young people easy get influence from something. So some people, especially those from older generations, feel that modern music can be more harmful than positive. They will say modern music is too simplistic and the song lyrics are potentially dangerous. In particular, they will feel rap and hip hop are often deal with dangerous issues, such as gang violent and express antisocial opinions. It can be damaging for young people. On the other hand, modern music is not only brings bad influences, it also bring some advantages to young people. For those young singer who crazy on music, they can express their experiences and their feelings through the rap or popular songs, it will give their emotions an outlet to improve their mental health. Added to that, modern music can bring us feel energy, happy, sad and relax. We can choose the types of song depends on our mood. For example, when we listen to energetic song, it will bring enthusiasm and vitality. Moreover, when we listen to sadness or relaxing song, it’s a good way to help young people release their stress or unfavorable feelings. This can help them to prevent mental illness. In conclusion, modern music can bring advantages and disadvantages to young people. We can’t control people choose the music that they prefer. Instead, we can encourage more different music style to appear.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
dramatically
over the years and new types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
constantly
appearing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perspectives, reimagine mindsets and possibilities. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that recently popular style such as rap and hip hop,
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
noise and can’t consider into real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, unlike older styles, such as rock and jazz.

Somebody
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "feels".
feel
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influence from something.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
those from older generations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be more harmful than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. They will say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is too simplistic and the song lyrics are
potentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
In particular
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
rap and hip hop are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
issues, such as gang violent and express antisocial opinions. It can be damaging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences, it
also
Did you mean "brings"?
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
singer
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a crazy".
who crazy
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, they can express their experiences and their feelings through the rap or popular songs, it will give their emotions an outlet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental health.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Added
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
energy, happy, sad and relax. We can choose the types of song depends on our mood.
For example
, when we listen to energetic song, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
enthusiasm and vitality.
Moreover
, when we listen to sadness or relaxing song, it’s a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or unfavorable feelings. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
mental illness.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
advantages and disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. We can’t control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that they prefer.
Instead
, we can encourage more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
style to appear.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that modern music can have a negative impact on the young. Others believe the effect of modern music is positive.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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