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many people believe that individual are responsible for their own happiness while other think happiness is dependent on other external factor discuss both views and include your own opinion give reason for your answer in example from your experience

many people believe that individual are responsible for their own happiness while other think happiness is dependent on other external factor discuss both views and include your own opinion give reason for your answer in example from your experience 0o0l
Happiness are crucial part for people. There are two dissimilar category people are here. A few persons are individually ecstatic by own self. Another people think that, happiness are reliant on external fector. In this essay is going to look at two perspective and later will state the personal opinion. firstly illustrates individual happiness are essential part, people have expectations from own side compared to the other side. create the own situations which are help to make happy. find a little bit joyful movements from the congestion of trouble part. try to prepare your self happy without any equipments. Any person can be happy if he lives with good vibes. people can easily consume their infinite time with family and friends. Adding a few migration and evolution in our periodic routine lifestyle. doing dissimilar process in weekend and holiday to enjoyed that days. Like played outdoor games with family and entertained your self. secondly brief description for people who think that happiness are dependent on other external factors, crave for various instrument because without it your happiness are not complete. technical instrument like television, mobile, leptop and etc. people usually happy to use phone and leptop amd surfing a Internet on it. Television is important for one kind of person who seen a comedy show which has help to get happiness. Went to the theater for watching movies and also like to go restaurant for eating delicious food. people are also thrilled while they went to various type of attractive place and garden because they are help to make happy. To conclude, happiness are essential part for every person. As per my opinion, external factors are needed for happiness and they also help to influence the human mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are two dissimilar category
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are here. A few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are
individually
ecstatic by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are reliant on external
Possible spelling mistake found.
fector
. In this essay is going to look at two perspective and later will state the personal opinion.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
illustrates individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have expectations from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
side compared to the other side.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
create
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
situations which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
find
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
joyful movements from the congestion of trouble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
try
to prepare your self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
without any equipments. Any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
vibes.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
can
easily
consume their infinite time with family and friends. Adding a
Possible agreement error. The noun migration seems to be countable; consider using: "few migrations".
few migration
and evolution in our periodic routine lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
doing
dissimilar process in weekend and holiday to enjoyed that days. Like played outdoor games with family and entertained your self.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
brief description for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are dependent on other external factors, crave for various instrument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without it your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are not complete.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
technical
instrument like television, mobile,
Possible spelling mistake found.
leptop
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
phone and
Possible spelling mistake found.
leptop
Possible spelling mistake found.
amd
surfing
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Internet on it. Television is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for one kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a comedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
which has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Went to the theater for watching movies and
also
like to go restaurant for eating delicious food.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
are
also
thrilled while they went to various type of attractive place and garden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
happy.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. As per my opinion, external factors
are needed
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happiness and
they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to influence the human mind.
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IELTS essay many people believe that individual are responsible for their own happiness while other think happiness is dependent on other external factor discuss both views and include your own opinion give reason for your answer in example from your experience

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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