Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?

Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media? XQB8
There are many peoples who believe that there is a direct impact of the increasing percentage of violence on the degree of violence in the society. And, there are also peoples who believe that violence which are going on our society and communities are due to the basic problems like unemployment. Our communities are very effected by these. Nowadays, we are watching a lots of movies, online shows, TV program which has a great impact on our life because what we see in those media and our mind gets information related to that. If you watch a good film then you will surely gather good knowledges and feelings. We as a human being has an ability to learn the things that we have watched somewhere and heard from someone. Many online programs are based on crime and negative emotions which directly influence peoples to involve in the certain kind of activities that are good for both their life and the society. There are many needs of peoples in modern world. If they fail to accomplish those needs, they will involve themselves into a crime and the major problem is unemployment. After graduating from colleges, every students has some desires like having a good job and good life afterwards but due to the lack of employment, they go other options than doing job for earning money. In search of money, 　they became ready to do anything for money and even murdering peoples. In my opinion, everything like TV show, program, movies, dramas and unemployment effect the rate of criminal activities. To avoid such problems, we have to maintain the contents of the programs and other activities from the internet in order to prevent the crime. We have to give specific information and have to make some standard systems, so that people will be aware of the problems arising due to the negative fact. And, another thing is that, maximize the employment to the younger group of peoples, so that they will be busy in their professional life and they will be able to fulfill their need without any trouble and difficulties which will reduce the violence in our society drastically. In conclusion, the growing rates of criminal activities are mainly due to those reasons explained above and in order to solve those problems, we have to take certain effective steps to avoid those issues and can control violence to some extent.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
who believe that there is a direct impact of the increasing percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on the degree of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the society. And, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
which are going on our society and communities are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like unemployment. Our communities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effected by these.

Nowadays, we are watching
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of movies, online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
which has a great impact on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in those media and our mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
information related to that. If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
film then you will
surely
gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and feelings. We as a human being has an ability to learn the things that we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
somewhere and heard from someone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are based
on crime and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions which
directly
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
to involve in the certain kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for both their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and the society.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
in modern world. If they fail to accomplish those needs, they will involve themselves into a crime and the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is unemployment. After graduating from colleges, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "student"?
students
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
desires like having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
afterwards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the lack of employment, they go other options than doing job for earning money. In search of money,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
　
they became ready to do anything for money and even murdering peoples.

In my opinion, everything like TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, movies, dramas and unemployment effect the rate of criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. To avoid such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain the contents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
from the internet in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the crime. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give specific information and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
standard systems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
arising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
fact. And, another thing is that, maximize the employment to the younger group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will be busy in their professional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they will be able to fulfill their need without any trouble and difficulties which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in our society
drastically
.

In conclusion
, the growing rates of criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to those reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above and in order to solve those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take certain effective steps to avoid those issues and can control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
400 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts