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Many people believe that hierarchy developed on basis of caste followed since thousand of years is the right way to run the society. Up to what extent do you agree?

Many people believe that hierarchy developed on basis of caste followed since thousand of years is the right way to run the society. Up YPJd
The caste system which is based on hierarchy has been well established for thousands of years. There are schools of thought that believe this system is still relevant today and would be the ideal way to run society. I disagree with this notion as I believe the caste system brings more harm than good. This is primarily due to the potential for discriminatory practices and economic consequences. First off, by establishing a hierarchy based on an individual’s birth status, certain groups of people will be unfairly discriminated against. For instance in India, individuals born to a lower caste are given fewer opportunities in education and career development. This in turn limits their social mobility and perpetuates a vicious cycle of poverty and discrimination against these individuals. It is clear by practicing the caste system, individuals on the lower sections of the hierarchy would suffer greatly. Moreover, by establishing a hierarchy based on caste, the economic competitiveness of a society may also be compromised. A well known example of this is the pattern of poverty in certain states in India. A report published by the Indian government showed poverty were lower in states that do not practice the caste system than those that do. A possible explanation for this is by eliminating the caste system, the social mobility of a population would improve and merit instead of birth status would be primary determining factor for success. Hence by doing away with the caste system, the economic growth of a nation would benefit. In conclusion, the hierarchy developed on the basis of caste brings more harm than good to modern society. I would recommend that this archaic practice be phased out to make way for more meritocratic systems to take hold.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
which
is based
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hierarchy
has been well established for thousands of years. There are schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that believe this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
still
relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and would be the ideal way to run society. I disagree with this notion as I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
brings more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. This is
primarily
due to the potential for discriminatory practices and economic consequences.

First
off, by establishing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hierarchy
based on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
birth status, certain groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be
unfairly
discriminated against.
For instance
in India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
born to a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caste
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
fewer opportunities in education and career development. This in turn limits their social mobility and perpetuates a vicious cycle of poverty and discrimination against these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
by practicing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
on the lower sections of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hierarchy
would suffer
greatly
.

Moreover
, by establishing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hierarchy
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caste
, the economic competitiveness of a society may
also
be compromised
. A well known example of this is the pattern of poverty in certain states in India. A report published by the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
poverty
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
lower in states that do not practice the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
than those that do.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
A
possible explanation for this is by eliminating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, the social mobility of a population would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and merit
instead
of birth status would be primary determining factor for success.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
by doing away with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, the economic growth of a nation would benefit.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hierarchy
developed on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caste
brings more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to modern society. I would recommend that this archaic practice
be phased
out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
way for more meritocratic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
to take hold.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that hierarchy developed on basis of caste followed since thousand of years is the right way to run the society. Up

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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