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Many people believe that Finance and Banking is still a good career to follow?

Many people believe that Finance and Banking is still a good career to follow? bOVw3
Actually any careers still have both good and bad aspects. Finance and Banking is not an exception. Firstly, it gives stable income. Because most of banks are controlled by the government. They provides lots of benefits for their staffs. The smallest position still has a good salary. Secondly, Finance and Banking is a favoured major of many students. It is a very profitable field. After graduating, student can apply for many positions in financial field in bank or company. Thirdly, when people study this major in university, they can gain marvelous prospect. Besides there are some drawbacks. Everyone want to be lucrative to have a good life so Finance and Banking is a high competitive major. Working environment is truly hard to get used to. It requires lots of factors like flexibility, creativity, patience and so on. And people want to climb the career ladder, they have been accumulating experiences for a long time. It can happen in about 5 to 10 years or even more. Graduating from university, people will face up to reality with difficulties at the beginningTo sum up, Finance and Banking is still a good career to follow, as long as you have passion about it. This major is mostly up to people’s far in developed era.
Actually any careers
still
have both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
aspects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Finance
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Banking
is not an exception.
Firstly
, it gives stable income.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the banks") or simply say "most banks".
most of banks
are controlled
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. They
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "provide".
provides
lots of benefits for their staffs. The smallest position
still
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
salary.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Finance
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Banking
is a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
profitable field. After graduating, student can apply for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positions in financial field in bank or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Thirdly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
study this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
in university, they can gain marvelous prospect.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Besides
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. Everyone
The pronoun 'Everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to be lucrative to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Finance
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Banking
is a high competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
. Working environment is
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. It requires lots of factors like flexibility, creativity, patience and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to climb the career ladder, they have been accumulating experiences for a long time. It can happen in about 5 to 10 years or even more. Graduating from university,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will face up to reality with difficulties at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
beginningTo
sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Finance
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Banking
is
still
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
career to follow, as long as you have passion about it. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
is
mostly
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
far in developed era.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that Finance and Banking is still a good career to follow?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
211 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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