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Many people believe that cloths or costumes are more responsible for the occurrence of rape. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that cloths or costumes are more responsible for the occurrence of rape. 7aLD2
Sexual harassment such as violation or gang abuse is increasing rapidly in society. There are various attitudes towards it. Some assume that females dress is responsible for these harassments. However, I disagree with this statement and have a different view of this social problem. Nowadays sexual harassment is a very controversial issue in our society as the violation is increasing day by day. While my assumption is that there are several reasons behind the violence. Wearing clothes is not only responsible for that. Firstly, the rapist has no social values as well as ethical learning. Females are considered to themselves as a consumer product which has no heart and soul. Thus, they behave with women as a product of only intercourse. Secondly, most of the criminals have strong political power and by using the power they occur various dangerous deeds including abduction. Moreover, they know very well that the victim cannot take revenge against rapists due to political power. Thirdly, lack of family education particularly religious ethics is absent in most of the families. Besides, it is the socially constructed mental thought that females are weak, soft and have no right to raise their voice. Consequently, from the teenage period, males think that it is very ordinary in society to tease a girl or force her? Finally, mass media and social media are also blamed by promoting adult content in the movie, the female body in the advertisement and so on. These activities can play a vital role to occur this kind of sexual harassment. Thus, I think only costumes is not only responsible because there are several females were being raped despite wearing a veil or full body covered dress. Here I would say that the female dress may have partial effects on occurring abuse. Sometimes it might attract predators when women wear short skirts, tight jeans exposing their body. But it is less responsible rather than attitude and social education. To sum up, people have different views on the social problem. Thus my assumption is to reduce rape people attitude especially male attitudes should be improved by religious values.
Sexual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harassment
such as violation or gang abuse is increasing
rapidly
in society. There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
towards it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
dress is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for these
Possible spelling mistake found.
harassments
.
However
, I disagree with this statement and have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problem.

Nowadays sexual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harassment
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial issue in our society as the violation is increasing day by day.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
my assumption is that there are several reasons behind the violence. Wearing clothes is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for that.

Firstly
, the rapist has no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values
as well
as ethical learning.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
are considered
to themselves as a consumer product which has no heart and soul.
Thus
, they behave with women as a product of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
intercourse.
Secondly
, most of the criminals have strong political power and by using the power they occur various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
deeds including abduction.
Moreover
, they know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well that the victim cannot take revenge against rapists due to political power.
Thirdly
, lack of family education
particularly
religious ethics is absent in most of the families.
Besides
, it is the
socially
constructed mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are weak, soft and have no right to raise their voice.
Consequently
, from the teenage period, males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ordinary in society to tease a girl or force her?

Finally
, mass media and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media are
also
blamed by promoting adult content in the movie, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
body in the advertisement and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These activities can play a vital role to occur this kind of sexual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harassment
.
Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
costumes is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were
being raped
despite wearing a veil or full body covered dress.

Here I would say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
dress may have partial effects on occurring abuse.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it might attract predators when women wear short skirts, tight jeans exposing their body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
education.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problem.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
my assumption is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
rape
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
especially
male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by religious values.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that cloths or costumes are more responsible for the occurrence of rape.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
351 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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