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Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. q3m5
It is considered that in many companies the high-level positions are occupied by men, while more than 50 percent of the workforce is female. It would be great if some of the proportion of these job position will be given to women. In my perception, I agree with this statement. The primary reason is that it will help to improve the confidence and motivate women to take part in workforce which will help companies to fill the shortage of labor. Moreover, it will give women to gain work experience in order to Improve their skills and abilities in order to get promotion and get growth in future in their field. As women also putting the same efforts as men in the companies so there should be equality in order to promote competitive environment. This will especially reduce the sense of discrimination at the work place. This will encourage other women to come for work because in high proportion women think that they will not get recognition even though, they do lot of hard work for the company. Therefore, their effectiveness and efficiency of doing work gets effected. Furthermore, it is also observed that women are able to organize the whole company very well while on top position because they are good particularly in multi-tasking, moreover they organize task very well according to their need and prioritize them accordingly. For instance: Angeline Merkel, a German President who took vital steps to make his country more developed and prosperous in whole Europe. In conclusion, it would great if women get support and motivation so that they can contribute in the economy of the country by working in companies and gain experience to get growth and promotion in their field and in the company where they are working.
It
is considered
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
the high-level positions
are occupied
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, while more than 50 percent of the workforce is female. It would be great if
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
proportion of these job position will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In my perception, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

The primary reason is that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the confidence and motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in workforce which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
The usual prepositions to use after "fill" is 'with' not "the" Did you mean "fill the shortage with"?
fill the shortage of
labor.
Moreover
, it will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
growth in future in their field. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
also
putting the same efforts as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there should be equality in order to promote competitive environment. This will
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the sense of discrimination at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place. This will encourage other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in high proportion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recognition
even though
, they do
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Therefore
, their effectiveness and efficiency of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
effected.

Furthermore
, it is
also
observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are able to organize the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well while on top position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
particularly
in multi-tasking,
moreover
they organize task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well according to their need and prioritize them
accordingly
.
For instance
: Angeline Merkel, a German President who took vital steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his country more developed and prosperous in whole Europe.

In conclusion
, it
The word 'great' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
would great
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support and motivation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can contribute in the economy of the country by working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and gain experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
growth and promotion in their field and in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
where they are working.

IELTS essay Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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