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Many people around the world are poor. Why is this happening? Can you suggest any ways to tackle this situation?

Many people around the world are poor. Why is this happening? Can you suggest any ways to tackle this situation? 9w25p
It is true that many people across the globe are experiencing extreme poverty, and I think the only reason and answer for this unfortunate situation is governments in those areas. I believe the main reason for poverty is linked to unfair governments where powerful leaders exploit natural resources, such as gold, oil, cotton and others for their own advantage. Instead, they are supposed to export these precious commodities and give back to their society by investing in education, healthcare, housing, and retirement plans. A clear example is Nigeria, a country that ranks first in storing oil, but its citizens are exposed to a high level of poverty. Also, such corrupted governments throttle little but innovative businesses and allow monopolies to enjoy bank loans. As a result, they set their own prices with the aim of generating as much income as possible, instead of selling their goods and services at reasonable prices to enhance ordinary people’s lives. They also enjoy tax loopholes which is why rich get richer and poor get poorer. Although this situation can be solved, it takes great deal of courage from the citizens of such corrupted governments. One way is for them to engage in protests where they should bravely ask their leaders to step down and replace with responsible and caring ones who will hopefully export the “nation’s” natural resources. However, as opposed to the previous corrupted authorities, they invest the income generated from export in education, which is the key to solving poverty of all kind. By this way, everyone, regardless of their financial status, will have the chance of accessing high-quality education, thus, get a good job which will improve the financial aspect of their lives. Moreover, such caring leaders will also fund young and innovative businesses rather than monopolies, as a result of which people will be offered goods and services at cheaper prices. It seems clear that poverty around the world cannot be eradicated unless the corrupted leaders step down. If this happens, we will not see a single person sleeping on the street and begging for money to buy food.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe are experiencing extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason and answer for this unfortunate situation is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in those areas.

I believe the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is linked
to unfair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
where powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
exploit natural resources, such as gold, oil, cotton
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantage.
Instead
, they
are supposed
to export these precious commodities and give back to their society by investing in education, healthcare, housing, and retirement plans. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is Nigeria, a country that ranks
first
in storing oil,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its citizens
are exposed
to a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
Also
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corrupted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
throttle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
innovative businesses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
monopolies to enjoy bank loans.
As a result
, they set their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
prices with the aim of generating as much income as possible,
instead
of selling their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services at reasonable prices to enhance ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They
also
enjoy tax loopholes which is why rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
richer and poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
poorer.

Although this situation can
be solved
, it takes great deal of courage from the citizens of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corrupted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. One way is for them to engage in protests where they should
bravely
ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
to step down and replace with responsible and caring ones who will
hopefully
export the “nation’s” natural resources.
However
, as opposed to the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corrupted
authorities, they invest the income generated from export in education, which is the key to solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
of all kind. By this way, everyone, regardless of their financial status, will have the chance of accessing high-quality education,
thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the financial aspect of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, such caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
will
also
fund young and innovative businesses
rather
than monopolies,
as a result
of which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be offered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services at cheaper prices.

It seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
around the world cannot
be eradicated
unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corrupted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
step down. If this happens, we will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a single person sleeping on the street and begging for money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food.
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IELTS essay Many people around the world are poor. Why is this happening? Can you suggest any ways to tackle this situation?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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