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Many people are moving to cities recently. Discuss the cause and is this a good trend?

Many people are moving to cities recently. Discuss the cause and is this a good trend? 3AqAJ
In this modernization, more and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better future in order to help them change their life. Nevertheless, some people believe that moving to cities brings some advantages, in other case it has disadvantages. In this essay, I am going to discuss both sides of the argument and give my own opinion in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, there are 2 main reasons why people claim that rural people want to move to cities. The first reason is that workers and students can access more job opportunities. This is because, in big cities, there are many chances for you to experience many different professions, thus you can freely choose a job that suits your expertise. Secondly, in urban areas, there are a variety of facilities to satisfy human demand. As an example, there are hospitals, schools, entertainment areas, companies and restaurants, which attract many people there. On the other hand, when people live in cities, they can find a job easily, therefore the rate of unemployment decreases. For instance, modern technology is easily accessible, so people who employees can look for a large company with high income, which is able to spend on their life. However, city life can be extremely difficult, one of the main problems is pollution. It is evident that the significant rise in the amount of household waste released from many houses, because of a higher population. As a result, the environment is polluted, furthermore clean water is exhausted. Hence, urban dwellers' lives are getting more and more complex. In conclusion, it is clear that people moving to cities recently brings some benefits and changes people's life for several reasons. However, personally, I think people get trouble in a hustling and bustling life.
In this modernization, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in search of a better future in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, in other case it has disadvantages. In this essay, I am going to discuss both sides of the argument and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, there are 2 main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The
first
reason is that workers and students can access more job opportunities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances for you to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professions,
thus
you can
freely
choose a job that suits your expertise.
Secondly
, in urban areas, there are a variety of facilities to satisfy human demand. As an example, there are hospitals, schools, entertainment areas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and restaurants, which attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there.

On the other hand
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, they can find a job
easily
,
therefore
the rate of unemployment decreases.
For instance
, modern technology is
easily
accessible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who employees can look for a large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with high income, which is able to spend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can be
extremely
difficult, one of the main problems is pollution. It is evident that the significant rise in the amount of household waste released from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a higher population.
As a result
, the environment
is polluted
,
furthermore
clean water
is exhausted
.
Hence
, urban dwellers'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are getting more and more complex.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
recently brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for several reasons.
However
,
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trouble in a hustling and bustling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Many people are moving to cities recently. Discuss the cause and is this a good trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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