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many people aim to achieve a balance in between their work and other aspects of their lives, however, this is very difficult to do what are the problems associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

many people aim to achieve a balance in between their work and other aspects of their lives, however, this is very difficult to do what are the problems associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? gAnxa
The twenty first century is fast and complex for humans to create balance between work life and family life. We are going to discuss some of the problems and solutions in following paragraphs. To begin with, working professionals now a days struggling to find a balance between professional life and social life because not spending quality time with family. Furthermore, expensive life style which gives more burden on professionals to maintain the social status in society and compare wealth to the materialistic things. For instance, in the survey of 2020 shows the data that people working more and more hours so that they maintain their social status and life style in society. Moreover, I vehemently believe that people should take brakes from work so that they rejuvenate their self with family and it relives the stress of work and make family bond strong. Additionally, citizens avoid expensive life style when they are no able to afford it so citizens won’t face unnecessary pressure of maintaining social status in society. For example, according to the survey of mental health department in the year of 2020 data of 5000 denizens involved in the survey shows that professionals who lives a normal life according to their respective salary they have more balanced life between work and family. To conclude, without shadow of doubt from above paragraphs I can say that expenditure should be done according to your income so you can live better balanced life.
The twenty
first
century is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and complex for humans to create balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We are going to discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems and solutions in following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
struggling to find a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not spending quality time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Furthermore
, expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style which gives more burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status in society and compare wealth to the materialistic things.
For instance
, in the survey of 2020
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the data that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working more and more hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style in society.

Moreover
, I
vehemently
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should take brakes from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they rejuvenate their self with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and it relives the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bond strong.
Additionally
, citizens avoid expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style when they are no able to afford it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
citizens won’t face unnecessary pressure of maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status in society.
For example
, according to the survey of mental health department in the year of 2020 data of 5000 denizens involved in the survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
who
Did you mean "live"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'professionals' should be used.
lives
a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
according to their respective salary they have more balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and family.

To conclude
, without shadow of doubt from above paragraphs I can say that expenditure should
be done
according to your income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.

IELTS essay many people aim to achieve a balance in between their work and other aspects of their lives, however, this is very difficult to do what are the problems associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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