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Many parts of the world are using important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved. Use specific reasons and details in your answer. v.1

Many parts of the world are using important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved. Use specific reasons and details in your answer. v. 1
It is true the use of cell phones has gained in popularity over the past few decades, making a paradigm shift in the lifestyle of every human on Earth. Although some might suggest banning mobile phones like cigarettes due to their presumably antisocial effects, the suggestion is groundless and should not be implemented. There are a number of reasons why mobile phones are not as antisocial as smoking. First, people, rather than mobile phones, are the factor that ultimately decides whether or not to engage in antisocial behaviours. In fact, there are plenty of mobile phone users who are even more prosocial than non-users, suggesting an insignificant causal relationship between mobile phones and antisocial behaviours. Second, mobile phones should not be compared to smoking as they are two distinct products. While cigarettes use chemical compounds to directly influence smokers’ brain, mobile phones have nothing to do with these chemicals. Another compelling reason to not ban mobile phones is that they are necessary to daily life. First, using mobile phones is one of the most efficient and inexpensive ways to communicate with others. Before the appearance of mobile phones, delivering a message from one location to another would require physical travels, costing unnecessary time, effort and money. In addition, mobile phones have functions that enable users to keep contacts, thereby promoting social behaviour and strengthening social connections. For example, people are more likely to lose important contacts and might even forget one another if they do not use mobile phones. In conclusion, since mobile phones have nothing to do with antisocial effects and smoking, they should not be banned. If any, the net advantage of using mobile phones is still too high to consider banning.
It is true the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has gained in popularity over the past few decades, making a paradigm shift in the lifestyle of every human on Earth. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might suggest banning mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
like cigarettes due to their presumably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
effects, the suggestion is groundless and should not
be implemented
.

There are a number of reasons why mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are not as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
as smoking.
First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
rather
than mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, are the factor that
ultimately
decides
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
users who are even more prosocial than non-users, suggesting an insignificant causal relationship between mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. Second, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should not
be compared
to smoking as they are two distinct products. While cigarettes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
chemical compounds to
directly
influence smokers’ brain, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have nothing to do with these chemicals.

Another compelling reason to not ban mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is that they are necessary to daily life.
First
, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is one of the most efficient and inexpensive ways to communicate with others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the appearance of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, delivering a message from one location to another would require physical travels, costing unnecessary time, effort and money.
In addition
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have functions that enable users to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
contacts, thereby promoting social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and strengthening social connections.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
contacts and might even forget one another if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile phones.

In conclusion
, since mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have nothing to do with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
antisocial
effects and smoking, they should not
be banned
. If any, the net advantage of using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is
still
too high to consider banning.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parts of the world are using important natural resources, such as forests, animals, or clean water. Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved. Use specific reasons and details in your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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