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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Nowadays, many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. This essay will discuss the cause and some suitable solutions. Firstly, we have to understand the psychological and physical reason, why he is committing the crime. Some researcher says that criminal commit the crime because he/she wants to make their dominance in the society, they call this disorder as ADD/ADHD. Apart from this, some people commit crimes after serving their first punishment because might be they didn't get enough punishment or a penalty and they do not have any fear regarding this. Some criminal is getting brainwashed, or they are facing some mental issue, according to them they are not committing crimes. Now we shall discuss some more realistic reasons such as financial need or unemployment and might be an addiction to the drug. There are many solutions is already available which are getting used by many countries which is effective to a certain degree, such as UAE is using high penalty and crucial punishment system in which for a small crime to you have to pay more for example if you are spreading garbage and eating bubblegum then you have to pay $1000 and 5 months of prison because of this offenders feel scared while committing crimes. On the other hand, Europe is using a totally different method, they try to fix the problem from the grass-root level they consult their criminal to fix the mental issue, and provide employment to them. Both of them has an impressive statistical result. In conclusion, we have understood that crime is our main enemy not criminal so, we have to find a fully effective way of dealing with this issue.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offenders commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after serving their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. This essay will discuss the cause and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suitable solutions.

Firstly
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand the psychological and physical reason, why he is committing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researcher says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
commit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he/she wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their dominance in the society, they call this disorder as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ADD
/ADHD. Apart from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after serving their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
might be they didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
or a
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
penalty and
they do not have any fear regarding this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
is getting brainwashed, or they are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental issue, according to
Consider adding a comma here.
them
they are not committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we shall discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more realistic reasons such as financial need or unemployment and might be an addiction to the drug.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions is already available which are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries which is effective to a certain degree, such
A determiner is probably missing here: “as the UAE”.
as UAE
is using high penalty and crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
system in which for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more
for example
if you are spreading garbage and eating bubblegum then you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay $1000 and 5 months of prison
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘offenders’. Did you mean “these”?
this
offenders feel scared while committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
On the other hand
, Europe is using a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
method, they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the problem from the grass-root level they consult their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the mental issue, and provide employment to them. Both of them
Please check whether ‘Both of them’ should be followed by a plural form: “have”
has
an impressive statistical result.

In conclusion
, we have understood that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is our main enemy not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find a
fully
effective way of dealing with this issue.
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IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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