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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? WyYjK
Crimes are increasing day by day, even after the strict laws implemented by government. There are many reasons behind the negative mind of the criminals. To begin with, Family conditions are one of the main reason behind crimes. When someone is not able to fulfil the demands of whole family members, then he/she leads to depression or anxiety. This mental health situation gives birth to wrong acts. The person tries to do theft and corruption in order to earn more money. Moreover, peer pressure is the another cause of offense. Mostly youngsters are at risk in this modern world. They do whatever they see their fellows doing in school. Few people does not realize that they are doing something wrong, unless they do not get into any big trouble. In result, they ends up with misdeed. Although crime rate is inclining, but this has to stop with strong steps. However, there are many rules to stop crime and to give punishment to criminals. In fact, every body is not aware about these guidelines. Not only government plan new rules to prevent crime and implement them strictly, but also schools should take responsibility to teach students in their early age. In addition to it, new jobs should be introduced to decline the unemployment rate and crime rate will decrease itself.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
are increasing day by day, even after the strict laws implemented by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
mind of the criminals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Family conditions are one of the main reason behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. When someone is not able to fulfil the demands of whole family members, then he/she leads to depression or anxiety. This mental health situation gives birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
acts. The person tries to do theft and corruption in order to earn more money.
Moreover
, peer pressure is the another cause of offense.
Mostly
youngsters are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in this modern world. They do whatever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their fellows doing in school. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not realize that they are doing something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, unless they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trouble. In result, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "end"
ends
up with misdeed.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is inclining,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
with strong steps.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and to give punishment to criminals. In fact, every body is not aware about these guidelines. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
plan new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and implement them
strictly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
schools should take responsibility to teach students in their early age.
In addition
to it, new jobs should
be introduced
to decline the unemployment rate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate will decrease itself.
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IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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