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Many museums charged for admission while others are free . Do you think the advantages of charging of admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages?

Many museums charged for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging of admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages? k7l2
There is no iota of doubt that galleries play a crucial role in society. If these places charged entry fees from visitors then it has more advantages rather than disadvantages. This prenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to people. The following paragraphs would elucidate pros and cons of these statement. To begin with the first notion that, museums give education about history and culture of countries. Nowadays, numerous historical place start collecting entry fees from tourists. Whereas, it gives several facilities to Travellers like refreshment stores art galleries and news more. Secondly, with the collecting money it improve the infrastructure of building and enhance the facility's. Adding further a one more reason, some museum take financial loan from Bank to create this place in public area and with the help of entrance fees deposit their instruments. Finally, thses heritage pay taxes to authorities because they hold place of government. On the flip side of coin, there are some nasty consequences as well. If entry fees is charged by the visitors from entering museum they faced some difficulties like lack of tourist visit. Mostly people like to travel that place which is free of cost due to the fact that because many people planning family trip if they deposit all members fee it was unaffordable for them. Furthermore, if Museum have no entry fees poor people also visit there without any difficulty. In conclusion, I think galleries need to take visiting fees from guest but it would be affordable which for people can easily afford.
There is no iota of doubt that galleries play a crucial role in society. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
charged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
from visitors then it has more advantages
rather
than disadvantages. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
prenomenon
is offering multifarious benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The following paragraphs would elucidate pros and cons of
Did you mean "this statement" or "these statements"?
these statement
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
first
notion that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
give education about history and culture of countries. Nowadays, numerous historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
from tourists. Whereas, it gives several facilities to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Travellers
like refreshment stores art galleries and news more.
Secondly
, with the collecting money it
Did you mean "improves"?
improve
the infrastructure of building and enhance the facility's. Adding
further
a one more reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "museums"?
museum
take financial loan from Bank to create this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in public area and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
deposit their instruments.
Finally
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thses
heritage pay taxes to authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. On the flip side of coin, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nasty consequences
as well
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
is charged
by the visitors from entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
they faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties like lack of tourist visit.
Mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to travel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
which is free of cost due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
planning family trip if they deposit all members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
it was unaffordable for them.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
visit there without any difficulty.
In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
galleries need to take visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
from guest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be affordable which for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
afford.
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IELTS essay Many museums charged for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging of admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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