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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweight the disadvantages.

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweight the disadvantages. VJe6
Museums are one of the most powerful key for the individuals to know about their history. However, charging for admission should not be truly, l think that the benefit of this outweight the drawbacks. Firstly, in this period, people are interested in their own history and they won't to know all thing about the history so that the authority ought to assist to the individuals by the human rule. Since they did not concentrate their mind to the issue, the humans should not believe to the government. Moreover, the museums would charge the admission nobody did not have addiction to lear the science, but being free to enter the museums is anyway. Because, the history should not sale to humans, because, the antiques are their own history. If it sales for money, it will overturning era of human. So people ought to distinguish what to spend or give the amount sum.
Museums are one of the most powerful key for the individuals to know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
However
, charging for admission should not be
truly
, l
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the benefit of this
Possible spelling mistake found.
outweight
the drawbacks.
Firstly
, in this period,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are interested
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
history and
they won't to know all thing about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the authority ought to assist to the individuals by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. Since they did not concentrate their mind to the issue, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should not
The usual collocation for "believe" is "in" not "to". Did you mean "believe in"?
believe to
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Moreover
, the museums would charge the admission nobody did not have addiction to
Possible spelling mistake found.
lear
the science,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being free to enter the museums is anyway.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should not sale to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the antiques are their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. If
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
sales for money, it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "overturn"
overturning
era of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ought to distinguish what to spend or give the amount sum.

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweight the disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
151 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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