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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.46

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 46
Nowadays, many tourist attractions are present globally which are offered and promoted by the government and one of them is the museum. Museums also preserve and represent the history, traditions and many other important aspects of a country. In some museums, there is a policy that the visitors have to pay money before entering while others are free to visit. I certainly believe that the applied policy i. e. charging visitors for museum entrance derives more benefits than drawbacks. First and foremost, money collected from the visitors can be utilised to maintain and develop the museum. For instance, it can be used to cover the utility bills, repairing costs, renovation and staff costs. Maintaining a large museum costs a huge amount of money and the revenue earned from the visitors could be a good source of money to do that. Not all museums are funded by the government and sometimes museum‘s fund is not enough to cover all the costs it requires. If no money is taken from visitors, such museums would have to be shut down.   So admission fee in museums seems very utilitarian to maintain a better museum. Furthermore, due to applied tariff, inhabitants who enter a place providing scientific or historical values are likely to spend their leisure time there and do not enter unnecessarily. For example my sister, Lia tends to read carefully the available information provided in the museum and one of the reasons she does that because she wants to get some value from the money she spent. This example makes clear that admission money is seemly very utilitarian to encourage and educate the visitors to use facilities offered maximally. On the other hand, entrance fee in museums possibly reduce the guests because most of the people prefer to come to places and spend idle time that can be entered without any money. To illustrate, a garden located in the city gets more visitors than the other amusement parks which require a ticket to enter. The people in the garden go to walk, gossip and to chat with others which should not be the case in a museum. Only interested and real visitors in a museum would make it a better place for people to learn and visit. To conclude, although admission charge will attract fewer visitors in a museum in many cases, considering the purpose of a nice museum and to cover the expenses it requires, the entry fees seem to have more advantages than the drawbacks.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourist attractions are present globally which
are offered
and promoted by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and one of them is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
also
preserve and represent the history, traditions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of a country. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, there is a policy that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering while others are free to visit. I
certainly
believe that the applied policy
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
entrance derives more benefits than drawbacks.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
collected from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
to maintain and develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
For instance
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cover the utility bills, repairing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
, renovation and staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
. Maintaining a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and the revenue earned from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to do that. Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are funded
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum‘s
fund is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cover all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
it requires. If no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is taken
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be shut
down.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
admission fee in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
utilitarian to maintain a better museum.

Furthermore
, due to applied tariff, inhabitants who enter a place providing scientific or historical values are likely to spend their leisure time there and do not enter
unnecessarily
.
For example
my sister,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lia
tends to read
carefully
the available information provided in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and one of the reasons she does that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
value from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
she spent. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
seemly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
utilitarian to encourage and educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
facilities offered
maximally
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, entrance fee in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the guests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to places and spend idle time that can
be entered
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. To illustrate, a garden located in the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
amusement parks which require a ticket to enter. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the garden go to walk, gossip and to chat with others which should not be the case in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
interested and real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a better place for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn and visit.

To conclude
, although admission charge will attract fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, considering the purpose of a nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and to cover the expenses it requires, the entry fees seem to have more advantages than the drawbacks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 46

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
415 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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