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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 154 v.44

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 154 v. 44
Museums have long been known as a great place for people to learn more about the history as well as enjoy the mysterious beauty of artefacts. However, there exist several museums that require an amount of money called entrance fees. In my opinion, this action is a two-sided affair having both negative and positive aspects which will be discussed as follows. In the first place, one benefit of the admission fees charged by museums is that this amount of money collected from visitors would act as an additional aid for the museums’ maintenance. Obviously, in order to run a museum displaying and exhibiting precious and valuable items back in the day, many sources of capital are required to be spent on keeping museums alive. For example, highly-skilful and proficient workers would be needed when it comes to abolishing or cleansing the museums’ belongings because these artefacts can be easily damaged and broken by carelessness. Therefore, museum’s managers will have to pay them salaries for their work and it could be expensive as this type of job is done usually on a daily basis. This is when entrance fees might significantly alleviate the burden of sustaining the museums’ operation and mitigate the number of fees that museums have to bear. On the other hand, an obligatory entrance fee might be a discouraging factor making people less interested in paying a visit to a museum. It is commonly thought that museums are like history public classes where people can learn more about the prehistoric life and have a better insight into the past. Thus, it is more reasonable to obtain this knowledge free of charge, like park benches or public libraries. If people have to pay money to do so, they might feel reluctant to choose museums as a way of learning and entertaining. In addition, a great number of people believe that the government should be responsible in ensuring the sustaining fees of museums are paid in full. In other words, visitors have no responsibility to pay for any fees. In conclusion, I personally find that the benefits from charging people for admission is outweighed by its drawbacks. If museums need capital resources to cover the maintaining bills, it would be the government’s responsibility. Otherwise, it is advisable to welcome visitors without charging them any amount of money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
have long
been known
as a great place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn more about the history
as well
as enjoy the mysterious beauty of
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
.
However
, there exist several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
that require an amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
called entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
. In my opinion, this action is a two-sided affair having both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects which will
be discussed
as follows.

In the
first
place, one benefit of the admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
charged by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is that this amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
collected from visitors would act as an additional aid for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums’
maintenance.
Obviously
, in order to run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
displaying and exhibiting precious and valuable items back in the day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sources of capital
are required
to
be spent
on keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
alive.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
highly-skilful
and proficient workers would
be needed
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to abolishing or cleansing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums’
belongings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
can be
easily
damaged and broken by carelessness.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum’s
managers will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay them salaries for their work and it could be expensive as this type of job
is done
usually
on a daily basis. This is when entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
might
significantly
alleviate the burden of sustaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums’
operation and mitigate the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear.

On the other hand
, an obligatory entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
might be a discouraging factor making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less interested in paying a visit to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. It is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are like history public classes where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn more about the prehistoric life and have a better insight into the past.
Thus
, it is more reasonable to obtain this knowledge free of charge, like park benches or public libraries. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they might feel reluctant to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as a way of learning and entertaining.
In addition
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be responsible in ensuring the sustaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are paid
in full.
In other words
, visitors have no responsibility to pay for any fees.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, I
personally
find that the benefits from charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for admission
is outweighed
by its drawbacks. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
need capital resources to cover the maintaining bills, it would be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s responsibility.
Otherwise
, it is advisable to welcome visitors without charging them any amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 154 v. 44

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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