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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar,which causes many health problems

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems PrNNJ
It is often believed that many health problems are caused because of several manufactured food and drink containing high levels of sugar. To reduce that, it is said that prices of these products should be increase widely to encourage people to consume less sugar. In my opinion, I agree to this to partly extent because there are also some benefits for the same. However, sugary products are widely consumed among public in different forms like toffees, jams and many other. Some of them contains high sugar level which helps people with low sugar level to increase their metabolism. It is often recommended by doctors to people who often feel dizziness, to intake sugary items. Also, sugary items helps a person remaining happy all the time which can be seen through smile on his face. For instance, Most of the energy drinks contain high sugar levels but it is also beneficial for people to remain active even in nights. So, increasing price will not stop these kinds of people in taking sugary items. On the other hand, Excess of anything leads to destruction. Children should not be allowed to intake much of these kinds of items, because it leads to tooth decay and many other significant health issues at early age only. For them, rise in price of such products will definitely encourage parents to stop purchasing those items for their kids. To conclude, Intake of anything in excess only cause problems in the end. Items consumed for right purpose will benefit the right person whereas consumed for fun will only have detrimental effects on the consumer.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems
are caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several manufactured food and drink containing high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
that, it
is said
that prices of these products should be
Did you mean "increased"?
increase
widely
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to consume less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this to partly extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for the same.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
products are
widely
consumed among public in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms like toffees, jams and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possibly, a noun is missing after 'other'. Or do you mean "others"?
other
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them contains high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
to increase their metabolism. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
recommended by doctors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel dizziness, to intake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a person remaining happy all the time which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
through smile on his face.
For instance
, Most of the energy drinks contain high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to remain active even in nights.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, increasing price will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
items.

On the other hand
, Excess of anything leads to destruction. Children should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to intake much of these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads to tooth decay and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other significant health issues at early age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. For them, rise in price of such products will definitely encourage parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
purchasing those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
for their kids.

To conclude
, Intake of anything in excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause problems in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Items
consumed for right purpose will benefit the right person whereas consumed for fun will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have detrimental effects on the consumer.
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IELTS essay Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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