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Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v.7

Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 7
Women's contribution in building the civilisation is equally important to that of men and given the chances they can be equally adept to take responsibilities in higher management in a company. Gender equality is no longer a concept, but a proven way to accelerate the progress and therefore I strongly believe that a portion of higher positions in companies should be reserved for females. To begin with, half of the world population is women and their empowerment determines the overall progress of a nation and its economy. If these women are kept away from decision-making positions, true empowerment of women would become impossible. To cite an example, when half of the decision makers in a large company are females, they can bring diverse perspectives and innovation to the company. Some of the Asian countries including Bangladesh and India have incorporated reserved seats in parliaments for women, and these female leaders have done a great deal to encourage women to actively contribute to the country's politics and business sector. Furthermore, women in higher positions like in police force can better understand the crimes and injustice involving women and can propose better solutions to these issues. Similarly, almost every large company has a great portion of female consumers and having some female key employees would only ensure ways to attract more female customers and better serve them. To conclude, allocating a certain portion of higher positions for women is not a courtesy to the women. Rather it ensures balanced working environment, innovation, happy female customers and women empowerment which are key ingredients to a sustainable progress.
Women's contribution in building the
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chances they can be
equally
adept to take responsibilities in higher management in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Gender equality is no longer a concept,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a proven way to accelerate the progress and
therefore
I
strongly
believe that a portion of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
be reserved
for females.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, half of the world population is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and their empowerment determines the
overall
progress of a nation and its economy. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
away from decision-making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
, true empowerment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
would become impossible. To cite an example, when half of the decision makers in a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, they can bring diverse perspectives and innovation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
Asian countries including Bangladesh and India have incorporated reserved seats in parliaments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
leaders have done a great deal to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
actively
contribute to the country's politics and business sector.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
like in police force can better understand the crimes and injustice involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and can propose better solutions to these issues.
Similarly
, almost every large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has a great portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
consumers and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
key employees would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ensure ways to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
customers and better serve them.

To conclude
, allocating a certain portion of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is not a courtesy to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Rather
it ensures balanced working environment, innovation, happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
customers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment which are key ingredients to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "sustainable progress".
a sustainable progress
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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