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Many health problems today may be caused by modern technology

Many health problems today may be caused by modern technology 3Ag1J
Many health problems today may be caused by modern technology. For example, children nowadays spend too much time sitting playing video games. They do not move enough so they can become overweight. In addition, due to the fact that using social media is a common hobby for many people, face-to-face activities such as sports are less popular that make people’s body weaker. Finally, office jobs involve too much time working with computers, which can cause some wrist problem or back pain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
health problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
may
be caused
by modern technology.
For example
, children nowadays spend too much time sitting playing video games. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can become overweight.
In addition
, due to the fact that using social media is a common hobby for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, face-to-face activities such as sports are less popular that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s body weaker.
Finally
, office jobs involve too much time working with computers, which can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wrist problem or back pain.
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IELTS essay Many health problems today may be caused by modern technology

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
81 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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