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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. o719
The government is the highest management organizations that has a role of managing the country's resources not only the money but even the human resources to order to run the enormous organization known as nation to complete and improve against others. However as from my perspective as the South East Asia country that shape like an axe known as Thailand, there are many opinions that discuss about this ideology of progress of the country in order to improve the country to be more well-known among the United Nation summit. As in Thailand, the present governments tried their best effort to boost the index of Gross Domestic Product or simply known as GDP as described by an American economist to be higher since they set as they wanted to be the parties that created the least poverty and the most cashflow throughout the finances system when compare to the previous parties in the past as their top priorities. As of this incident, the younger politician often protest that other types of progress are important too such as the standard of knowledge of the students to be improve for the younger generations on discover themselves sooner and have more time to be more advance in their specific set skills and proficiencies in order to created successful and happy-mind pupils. Another progress that could not overlook is the improvement of health care to be able to extend the life of loved to be healthier and more hygienic for longer peaceful life. To sum it all up, I personally think that if it use the phrases of other types of progress are equally important is not that entirely true because there must be the priority of which category should be place higher than the others. Since the different country has different culture or tradition for them to value, so we need to understand more of the roles of the selected country to be able to identify which category of progression should be placed higher than one another.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is the highest management organizations that has a role of managing the country's resources not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
even the human resources to order to run the enormous organization known as nation to complete and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
against others.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
as from my perspective as the South East Asia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that shape like an axe known as Thailand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opinions that
Did you mean simply "discuss this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about this
ideology of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be more well-known among the United Nation summit.

As in Thailand, the present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
tried their best effort to boost the index of Gross Domestic Product or
simply
known as GDP as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
by an American economist to be higher since they set as they wanted to be the parties that created the least poverty and the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
cashflow
throughout the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "finances'" or "finance's"?
finances
system when compare to the previous parties in the past as their top priorities. As of this incident, the younger politician
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
protest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Did you mean "to such"?
too such
as the standard of knowledge of the students to be
Consider using a past participle here: "improved".
improve
for the younger generations on discover themselves sooner and have more time to be more advance in their specific set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and proficiencies in order to
Did you mean "create"?
created
successful and happy-mind pupils. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
that could not overlook is the improvement of health care to be able to extend the life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to be healthier and more hygienic for longer peaceful life.

To sum it all up, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if it
Did you mean "uses"?
use
the phrases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is not that
entirely
true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the priority of which category should be place higher than the others. Since the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture or tradition for them to value,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we need to understand more of the roles of the selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be able to identify which category of progression should
be placed
higher than one another.
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IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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