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many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. aDPm
Most governments consider economic development their primary goal. On the other hand, some people think that different types of progress are important such as economic progress. In my personal opinion, economic growth is much more important than other progress. First of all, most governments give priority to economic progress, this situation is not only for the value of the money but also the common thought that if you have enough money, you can supply all of your needs. For instance, if a person is dealing with some health issues and he has enough money then treatment will be much easier for him compared with a poor person. That’s one of the reasons why governments think economic progress is their major goal. Another supportive idea for this tendency, economical growth can develop your life conditions. I mean, if you have enough money for your daily life, then you will be less stressed and a happy person. For example, in Scandinavian countries, people are happier than any other country because they do not have any problem with money so these countries encourage other governments to fix their problem with the economy firstly. In conclusion, governments, whose give priority to economic progress, are doing the right thing because if money problems are fixed, then people will be happier than in the past and their problems tend to be solved such as health issues or physiological problems.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development their primary goal. On the
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other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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different
types of
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progress
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
such as
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economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
. In my personal opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
progress.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
give priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
, this situation is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that if you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, you can supply all of your needs.
For instance
, if a person is dealing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
issues and
he has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
then treatment will be much easier for him compared with a poor person. That’s one of the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
is their major goal.

Another supportive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for this tendency,
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth can develop your life conditions. I mean, if you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for your daily life, then you will be less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and a happy person.
For example
, in Scandinavian countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are happier than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these countries encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with the economy
firstly
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, whose give priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
, are doing the right thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be happier than in the past and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
tend to
be solved
such as health issues or physiological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
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IELTS essay many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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